


Struggles, Sentiments, Yearning

by EndearingFond



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst?, Crying, Disease, Fluff, Major character death - Freeform, Sadness, i wrote this wayyyyyyyy back so its carrorty and stuff, larry adopt a baby, no smut sorry, sorry - Freeform, the other boys help, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 07:11:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 24,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndearingFond/pseuds/EndearingFond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, wishes makes up a forever but even forever isn't enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> uhmm. So i was probably drunk while writing this. Its not edited and is probably crap ,but i hope you all atleast give it a read, even though its crap? Anyways, i don't think there's any trigger warning, so enjoy!

CHAPTER 1 : INTRO.

Like every other day, returning home tired and physically ,completely broken.. Seems like Louis' routine has become all the same and monotonous.. 

Taking a look down at the lad, seems like he's acting all mechanically..  
For example, if someone asked him to a picnic, he would be like- food basket, *check*, blankets, *check* n so like that.. 

That beautiful, serene, and happy Louis had been missing since the past two years.. But you can't really blame him, can you? Separation is indeed the hardest and the most cruel thing anyone can face, and Louis and Harry have been told to physically separate from each other, while they both knew, their souls were glued forever, which nothing can take apart.. 

And nothing was different with Harry too, he 'learned' faking a smile, 'learned' to ignore the one whose attention meant the world to him, seemed like he had learned whole lotta things, and still at night, when he had to be home alone, and his hands accidentally fall on to the other side of the bed, and he finds it empty, that's when he walks out of that cocoon he had built around himself, and weeps like a little baby, missing the warmth of his Love's arms.

Author's Note: The next part will be updated very soon


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its in first person. So sorry about that. I haven't edited this. So please bear with me.

CHAPTER :2

Louis' POV 

(Wiping out the sweat off his face)

I am so bloody tired and bored of these interviews. It's like they don't seem to have any other questions except for reminding me of the days, I spent with him, my Hazzabear, my curly haired boy.

Still, reminiscing the old days, the close moments I had with him, are the best seen in the interviews, which seem to irritate me now-a-days.. 

I turn on the video record, and switch it on, and watch the interviews, while feeding myself a half grilled sandwich and a can of coke.. 

Laughing at myself, at how i was then when i had my first interview and to now.. Seeing Harry, like always gave me a feeling of shrill down my spine.. How I wished to again run my fingers along those curls, and twitch his soft and cute cheeks and play with them always.. I teased him once in an interview, when he was asked about his life in London n about the place and all, all he could think and say was, "London's--quite--big".. And how innocent his face looked then.. 

Seems like time for Niall and Liam hasn't even moved a bit, they have remained the same all along, except for obviously, Liam's 'Evolutionary Changing' hairstyles.. 

I started the video tape with a smile but the last few parts of it left me sad and heart broken seeing us(Me and Harry), so close yet so far, it was heart-wrenching.. Seemed like an invisible wall has been built up in between us..  
"What is the last thing you do before you go on stage?", asked the interviewer..  
And there was a sudden drop to both mine as well as Harry's face, 'coz we both missed giving each other our good luck kiss before going on stage.. 

And like always, everyday, I left the hall and went up to my bedroom, which screamed loneliness ever since Harry shifted..


	3. Chapter 3

Harry's POV

"Lou, you need to bloody prioritize your wants. I know what i want 'coz it stands right in front of me, but it seems like you don't seem to care", I yelled out loud to Louis. 

"The moment we knew that we were each other's, I said we would fight back with anyone, anyone who tries to take us away, giving out all the shit reasons, but now it looks like, it was just me who meant every word, and not you", I badly wept while waiting for an answer from him. 

"My priorities have changed, we had something that you thought was 'love' but it was nothing more than a fling. Did you ever listen me saying 'I Love You' ? So stop this and bloody move on.. ", he said relentlessly, not even thinking how much each word tore me down to pieces.. 

"Oh fine, if that's what you think Louis, so let me, like before, be the first one to say this, I Hate You, I so hate you, Louis Tomlinson!! ", I bursted out to him.. 

He just started walking away, straight out of the hotel lobby, didn't even look back and wink like he always did.. And how I used to blush on that. But nothing today.. He just walked out, not even stopping to look at the road, and out of nowhere I could see a car rush towards him and knocking him out and all I could do was stand there and feel my whole world freeze right there.. 

"Lou", I shouted stretching out my hand towards him..   
"Lou, baby wake up, baby, Lou, Lou, Louuuuu", and i startle out of my sleep, the worst ever dream I have had all this while.. 

I was entirely covered in sweat, stressed and clueless about the total turnover of the dream I just had..   
I sat there on the bed, unable to respond to any questions that's constantly stirring my head.. I picked up my cellphone and typed, "You okay, LouBear" and like always saved and didn't send it to him thinking why would he not be fine?. 

Having a harsh start to the day is tough but I get up and head to the kitchen, even my stomach has started making noises for it has also been left alone for quite a time.. 

Glancing through the leftovers in the fridge, I pick out the pancakes, pour in some maple syrup and start eating.. 

"Get up Lou, it's 9 am now. Baby, I made us some pancakes, your favourite.",I used to say everyday while waking him up and he would drag me towards him, placing a gentle kiss on my lips..  
And listening 'Pancakes' always made his eyes lighten up 'coz breakfast was always the best part of the day for us..   
"Honey, get up and freshen yourself up, I'll be waiting for you in the kitchen",I said before leaving our room.. 

"Good morning, my HazzaBear ", he would say with his lips twitched under his teeth..   
"Wanna have them the same old way?", I would ask him with a naughty wink.   
And 'Yes' would always be the answer. 

We always shared the same pancake, he would take one end in his mouth and me the other and everyday, all we cared about was just finishing each of it the fastest we could 'coz at the end of it waited our special breakfast moment, our kiss.. And I always used to make the pancakes a bit small,and he didn't even notice.. "

These memories are the reasons, I cannot eat like I used to, 'coz everything around screamed of Louis.. Everything around misses the other half of me, his essence, his smile, his laughter that filled the whole house, our special moments, our life.. Everything was incomplete now, now that Louis was nomore here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just drop in your views :)


	4. Chapter 4

Louis' POV 

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness", I did hear this all the time when I was a kid but nothing on this planet made me clean freak person.. 

I wake up to the shrill sound of the alarm clock, and rubbing my eyes, my mind suddenly realises that I have been living in a house turned upside down all over.. Food's lying on the ground, bedsheet all over the place, half opened wardrobe, from which sneaks out my shirts,all piled up together. 

I can't really blame myself for all this mess, i was spoiled with anything that was related to household chores, 'cause I hated doing that stuffs.. First, mom used to clean up all the mess I created and later on Harry took over.. He used to clean up all my mess and I used to take him over to long romantic drives..

But now nobody was there to clean up all that mess I created but only me.. So unwillingly, I pulled myself out of the bed, freshened up and fed myself with some pancakes.. 

How I miss those pancake breakfast moments.. "Oh no no, no more distractions, Louis Tomlinson.. It's time to get to work and make this place, somewhat suitable for living..", I said to myself. 

Starting off with the dishes, I cleaned up the hall of my flat and headed towards the most messiest one, my bedroom.. 

I opened my wardrobe and everything started rushing and spilling out like water from the waterfall.. 

But even among that big pile of clothes, all that attracted my mind was something visible from the corner, and it didn't take me any longer to realise that it was that TIE, that RED one, Harry gifted me on our one year anniversary with a promise to make me wear it when WE would become ONE, that is, on our marriage day.. 

"Babe, what is the one thing you want to do with this relationship of ours?, I asked my Hazza..   
And 'Marry You ofcourse', would be the answer from him..   
He came running to me from behind, clinged onto me, and closed my eyes with one hand while whispering 'Happy Anniversary, Love' to my ear,his warm breath rushing in through my whole body.. Turning me around, he handed me a sleek box, and there was it, the Red Tie.. 

"A tie, Hazza?", I asked surprised.   
"It's not just a tie, Boo. It's my promise, a promise to tie you with my soul forever by making you wear it on our wedding , the day that I am waiting for.",Harry would answer with such a genuine smile that made me fall for him all over again. 

It was that moment, I lost myself completely in him, I wrapped myself around him, and kissed him, saying, 'I Do, my Hazzabear', is all that I waiting to say.. 

We pretended to be getting married, He walked down the aisle, and I stood there at the end waiting for him, to make him mine forever, and grow old with him.. "

These moments were the priceless possessions of our togetherness, our of Love, Love that noone understood or appreciated, and now after what happened between Us, seems like neither did I.. 

I held the tie like it was him, clunched onto it like it was him, and wore it like he would have wanted me to on our wedding,which now somehow, seemed to be never happening, not in this life atleast, maybe in our Afterlife.. 

I put it in the box, kissed it like it was Harry's lips, and again placed them safely back.. 

I walked out of there out on the terrace, Harry can never be separated from me, till I dwell here physically, till my heart beats, till my love dies out.. Afterall, He was my one and only, my Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post the next few chapters in a few days :)
> 
> I am @EndearingFond on twitter. Come say Hi :)


	5. Chapter 5 : Back in time, Realisations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So another chapter. I am just copying this from my wattpad acc, so i'll probably just post the entire thing today itself. 
> 
> Again, this is not edited and i'll probably do it later. So please bear with me.
> 
> Enjoy!

Harry's POV

"How much work do you expect an eighteen year old to do, urghh, m so tired.. Lou, get your ass out of bed and help me out, now!", I yelled out to Louis.. 

(15 minutes later) 

"Lou, get up", I said, "right now"..  
He didn't respond again.. 

" He doesn't do like that, atleast he calls out to me, and begs for 5 more minutes of his sleep, but today, he was totally silent", tensed, I thought to myself.. 

I ran up to our bedroom, panting, I took gradual, small steps towards him.. He lay there, sleeping, his beautiful face looked so serene and silent.. 

"Lou", I called him once again but still no response.. 

A streak of fear ran down my spine, my face became pale, and sweat started trickling down the side of my forehead.. 

I extended out my hands to reach onto him, I rubbed my hands over his forehead, again calling out his name.. Shook him to see if he responded, but everything went in vain.. 

On seeing him there on the bed, laying motionless, made me freeze, i could feel a certain pain, a pain I could feel thinking what if I lost him forever, what if I will never see him again? 

I shook him vigorously, then ran down to the kitchen and rushed back with the water jug.. 

I started sprinkling water on his face, and rubbing his hands simultaneously.. And that's when I could feel his hands respond, his fingers curl, entwining to mine.. And Then there he was, opening his eyes slowly, those beautiful blue eyes, that suddenly seemed so attractive to me.. Suddenly when everything that included him, felt so very important and precious.. 

"What happened to you? You were unconscious all of a sudden?", I asked him stressed.. 

"I don't understand, Hazza.",he replied.. 

"I don't care about anything, right now.. I'll get you freshened up, and get you something to eat.. And then we'll go to see the doctor", I ordered him.. 

"Not today, Harry.. I don't feel like going out today.. But I'll go out tomorrow, if that's okay..I just want to lie down and rest today ", he said..

He knew, denying him is the last thing I ever did.. And I had to agree, unwillingly.. But the whole day, I sat by his side, rubbed my hands on his forehead, and put him to sleep.. 

I simply stared at him the whole time, I have never felt this way before, never have been so insecured about his absence from my life.. But today, I was.. 

I spent the entire night awake, sitting beside him, watching him, as his chest rose up and came down.. Placing my hands on his face, rubbing my thumb through his cheeks, and caressing him by running my hands through his hair.. 

(The next morning) 

I prepared pancakes, made a smiley with whipped cream, and brought it back to Lou.. 

"Get up Lou, i made you some breakfast", I told him rubbing his forehead.. 

"Good morning, Hazza", he replied.. 

That good morning was the best I had ever listened to, gave me a relief, he was fine.. 

*The door bell rings*

Handing him the breakfast, i went away to open the door.. It was Jo, Louis' mom.. 

I don't know, but that very moment, I knew there was definitely some super powers given to our moms, by God.. Lou was unwell yesterday and Jo came to see her boy, but she wasn't informed about it, but she knew somehow..

I hugged her, asked her how she was doing.. But she looked worried and stressed, "Is Louis fine?" was all she asked and I took her to him and left them alone in the room.. 

I sat alone on the couch, while they were having there private time.. And after a while both of them came down, Louis was dressed, and I knew, a strict mom was taking her boy to see the doctor, finally.. 

But that was not what caught my eye, but the packed luggage bag drew my attention.. 

"Where was he going? Why? Why is Jo taking him away? ", I enquired my mind.. 

But before I could ask, Jo spoke.. 

" You know Harry, how much I missed my boy, and that's why I came down here, and seems like it was worth it, my boy is unwell and I need to take care of him.. I am taking him home for a week and I'll drop him off next Wednesday.. ", she said continuously without even pausing for a while..

"But I too take care of him, loneliness will haunt me down without him in the house.. Don't take him away, please..", my mind begged to her, although it was for just a week.. 

We have been away for months before when we had breaks from our tours but never have I felt this way, seemed like half of me was going away.. 

All I could do was nod to every word Jo said, even though my heart refused to.. 

I just stared at Louis, helplessly, expecting him to understand that I didn't want him to go, and somehow stay back.. 

But he didn't stay back, he just hugged me and said Goodbye.. 

I hugged him even tighter, realising that this time I had my entire world wrapped up around my arms, I had my Lou in my arms, but the Goodbye this time was the hardest.. 

I stood there, watching him go, and unknowingly I had my arms stretched towards him, my heart felt so heavy, I didn't want to realise it, I have been avoiding my feelings this whole time.. 

I was in 'Love' with my 'Best friend'..


	6. Separation and Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

Harry's POV 

24 hours, 32 minutes and 43 seconds and the clock keeps on ticking.. Tick-tock tick-tock.. On and on.. Never have I wished to fast forward time and being Wednesday this fast.. 

Six more days without Louis.. How am I going to survive..

I don't feel like getting out of the bed, eating or do any other work..

*sudden knocks on the door*

"Is it Lou? How can it be him, we talked last night only.. Me and my thoughts", I thought to myself.. 

*the knocks intensify*

"Harry, open the door, man.. Let us in", I heard Liam scream out.. 

"Ahh! It's just the boys.. Ya mate, wait a sec",I replied to him. 

"Hey mate, Where's Louis? ", Niall enquired.. 

" He is not that well, and Jo came over yesterday, so She took him with her for a week to their house, she wanted some time with her boy", I spit out everything all in a go.. 

"Not well? And you didn't even tell us about it? ", raged out Zayn.. 

" Umm, I am sorry, I was in a total mess and didn't know what to do.. But he is fine now and Jo is gonna take him to see the doctor today",I said in an assuring tone.. 

"Okay, but when he's going to come back ", asked Liam. 

" Wednesday", I said.. 

I told the boys to help themselves with anything they liked and hopped back on my bed.. I wasn't happy about Lou being away, I didn't even know, how to share about the new found feelings within me, rather whom to share with.. 

So I decided to talk with the boys, 'cause I knew they would understand me and I trust them with my life.. But I wasn't sure how to put my feelings to words.. It's harder than facing millions of audience in my first concert.. But I somehow had to spill these feelings out to the boys before I tell Louis.. 

"Hey boys, there's something I need to talk to you guys about.. ", I said.. 

Niall, Liam and Zayn all day down on the couch, eyes glued to mine, ready to listen to what I was going to say with all their eagerness.. 

And that's the reason I Love them so much, but not as much as Louis.. *winks to himself*

" I think I love Louis", I finally said, God, that was the toughest confession ever.. 

The three looked up at me, with somewhat an expression which words can't describe, happy? Tensed? Angry? I didn't understand.. 

"Guys?", I expect an answer.. 

"You think?", asked Liam somewhat startled.. 

"Yes", I said.. 

"We knew, way before, you stupid.. ", screamed out Zayn and Niall together, with an expression I could define, with happiness and excitement.. 

" You did?", I asked them.. 

"Obviously, the way you guys look at each other, the way you care for each other, the bond you guys share is totally special.. Only a fool won't understand, a one like you i guess.. We could have told you before but we wanted you to know and realise it yourself ", Liam said chuckling.. 

" Do you guys think I should tell Lou about it? I mean, I don't even know how he would react? What if he never talks to me again? What if I spoil our friendship? ", I flooded them with all the questions in my mind.. 

"He feels the same for you too, we are sure about that Harry.. Just get all your courage and go get him, my boy", an excited Niall speaks up.. 

I knew it would be a good idea telling the boys about it all.. And hell ya, it helped.. 

Now just a few more days, till my Lou comes back and then I am going to do something so special, that he'll be blown away.. 

Although this Separation of a week is painful, but that's what made me realise, that's what is going to bring us together, Harry ❤ Louis.. Together, forever.. 

I was finally going to confess my Love to him.. To my Lou..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just lemme know what you guys think. :)
> 
> I am @endearingfond on twitter. Come say Hi :)


	7. Chapter 7

Louis' POV 

Second day since I got home.. It's quite nice getting to stay with Mom and the girls.. It has really been quite a long time since I saw them last.. 

But still I feel something inside me, upsetting, I really didn't want to leave back Harry and come here.. I really wished he would stop me back in there and not let me Go.. But anyways, I am here.. 

I miss him so much.. It's has been quite a few months since I have known about my feelings for Harry, I even tried saying it to him but couldn't buck up the courage to walk up to him and spill out those three magical words.. 

But the night chats really now are the memories that are being created, the ones that would last a lifetime.. 

(Day 3)

"Good morning, honey.. Get up and freshen up.. I have made an appointment with the family doctor and it's set to be in a few hours from now, so hurry up", Mum said.. 

"Yes, Mum", I replied half asleep, trying to beg for another few minutes of my precious morning sleep.. 

*after an hour*

"Louis, five minutes more and we'll go then", Mom shouted from the kitchen.. 

Hearing this, startled, I jumped out of the bed, brushed my teeth, slipped on the trouser I found the closest, ran my hands through my hair and rushed down.. 

"The guy who takes a minimum of forty minutes to set his hair, was ready in under five minutes.. Mother's outrage effect..", I chuckled to myself thinking this.. 

"Let me drive, please Mum.. ", I asked her. 

"Okay, fine" was her reply.. 

On reaching the doctor's chamber, I was, I won't be lying, a bit tensed.. 

"Hello, doc", greeted my Mum.. 

"Hey, hello! So what brings you guys here?", the doctor replied.. 

"Actually, My boy has not been well for a while now, maybe for his hectic schedule, tours and all, he suddenly became unconscious a few days ago, so I need you to examine him and see what's wrong with my boy", spoke out my Mum.. 

I felt like a ten year old in there, who is unwell, has gone there with his mother who is busy there demonstrating what's wrong with her child.. 

"Come on, just lie down here and let me examine you", said the doctor.. 

After running the stethoscope over me for a fair few minutes, he asked me to get up and sit down.. 

"Except for a paced heartbeat, I don't see anything wrong now, but i'll write down a few tests, you need to get them done as soon as possible, and come and show me the reports", said the doctor.. 

"Ya sure", reassured my Mum.. 

I asked Mom, and walked out outside, I felt a bit suffocating inside.. I saw the doctor hand over the prescription and my Mom glancing through the contents.. I noticed a slight cringe appear round her face after reading it.. She was talking to the doctor and she seemed somewhat stressed.. 

"Is anything wrong, Mum", I asked her.. 

A not so assuring shake of her head, saying that everything was fine, didn't satisfy me altogether but I didn't cross question anymore and drove back home.. 

"Mom, when do we need to get the tests done? Actually, I was thinking of taking the girls for a drive, some ice creams, you know, sort of a siblings day out.. ", I told Mum.. 

"Yes sure, baby.. We'll go tomorrow morning for the tests", said Mum with a not so genuine smile.. 

"You seem to be a bit upset and stressed since we came back from the clinic, is everything fine? ", i enquired her.. 

"Everything's just fine, Louis.. Don't worry, just go and enjoy with your sisters", she said running her hands through my hair.. 

"I'll be back by 8",I said assuring her.. 

Seeing the girls enjoy, running wild in the playground, gives me happiness.. It's been quite a lot of time since I spent so much alone time with them..

Being a big brother is a responsibility, one which I haven't fulfilled with all my heart.. Not that I didn't want to but couldn't just because of this hectic schedule.. But this day with them is going to be locked up in my memory treasures forever.. 

Seeing this ambience around, the carefree girls in front something reminded me of Harry, he is just the same when we go out for small trips to soothen our minds.. He goes crazy those days.. 

I discover a new side of a story of this curly haired boy with each passing day, God knows, what more is there to come... 

I drive the girls back home and go up to my bedroom, freshen up and open up my Laptop for it was the time to talk with my Harreh.. 

"Hey, how are you doing? You look down and somewhat tired", I asked him, seeing him somewhat stressed.. 

"Nothing much, Lou.. Just haven't had sleep for quite a few nights..",he said.. 

"Anyways, chuck that off.. You went to see the doctor today, what did he tell? ", he asked cutting me off before I could say anything.. 

" Not much to worry about, just have to get a few tests done and I'll be coming back to You", I said,not realising then that I actually said that I was coming back to him.. That's what couples say to each other.. 

I don't know, but I could see a sudden spark in those green eyes, a slight smile, with those iconic dimples.. 

"I can't wait to have you back here, back with me", he said.. 

This made me elated, hearing this from him felt over the moon.. 

"Okay bye Harry, I need to get some sleep now, gotta go for the tests tomorrow.. God knows how much blood they are going to suck out from my body.. Anyways, you take care, get some rest..Miss you", I said to him smiling all the way through.. 

"Bye bye.. Take care you too.. And don't be afraid of the needles.. I miss you too.. ", were Harry's words before we bid goodbye that day.   
(4th day) 

The day of 'Blood suction' out of my body went smoothly.. 

The pathologists collected the samples, assorted them perfectly and told us that the reports would take a week time to come by.. 

I returned home, exhausted and a little weak.. And just like a wife would enquire, Harry called up, just after.. 

"How did it go? Everything fine? Are you feeling okay? Drink some juice and stuffs.. They'll give you strength ", Harry kept on telling.. 

"I am fine, Harry", I said assuring him.. 

"Okk okk.. Come back soon, please.. I miss you so much", he said, somewhat sounding upset.. 

"Just a few more days", I said.. 

(Day 6)

Just a day more and I'll be back with Harry.. God, I miss him so bad.. 

But I don't understand this longing this time.. I have known about my feelings for him for quite a time now, have stayed apart from him too, but never felt this way.. 

Was it because, I saw the same longing in Harry's face too, for the first time? Maybe that's the reason.. Maybe it's the new borne expectations that's making me feel so.. 

Love that would finally be felt, by both? Maybe?


	8. The Wait

Harry's POV 

Days without Louis have had its Pros n Cons.. Like, I miss him real bad and that's not a good thing but this separation made me realize my feelings for him, the ones I would never have understood.. 

I kept thinking about what to do in order to pull out the most unique proposal for my Lou.. 

In just under a week's time, my browser history overloads with 'how to profess your love to your beloved', kind of searches.. 

I called the boys over, 'cause Lou is coming back tomorrow, and I have no idea of how to surprise him, that would make him happy.. 

I know what he loves and what he doesn't, I just need a perfect planning for the perfect execution of my thoughts.. 

"Hey Harry! What's up?", the boys enquired slamming the door open, and jumping onto the couch.. 

"Guys, Louis is coming back tomorrow and I have no idea of how I am going to tell him everything", I spilled out.. 

"I think we need to first organise everything, like the do's n don'ts.. What Louis likes and all.. We can help you with all the arrangements, but the final key, to his heart, lies in your hand, mate.. Just don't think too much on it.. Look him in the eye, and just say it", Liam suggested.. 

And those words from him, made me determined and a lot more confident, I sat down with them holding a paper and a pen, jotting down all the things that'll be needed for the surprise.. 

"So I'll be needing night bulbs, flowers, and the most special gift ever", I burst out with excitement.. 

"Zayn, drive me to the store, will ya? I need to get a few stuffs from there.. Meanwhile Niall and Liam, clear out the place and I'll come back and decorate it all ", I requested the boys..   
"Sure mate", they said

I took out the CD that I prepared, went to the studio and brought back the projector along with a loaf of bread and a can of marmite, 'cause my baby loves it.. 

I set up the whole backdrop, placed the projector, checked if its working properly, then connected all the night bulbs, the red ones,'cause Louis loves the colour Red and obviously, it's the colour of love.. 

The boys picked a dress for me, a bright red shirt that Lou got me a few months back, paired with a pair of black trouser.. 

It was almost 9'o' clock at night when I finished all my preparations, and the boys had already left, wishing me good luck, and making me promise to let them know how everything went.. 

I stood there looking at everything around and my heart felt with joy thinking that finally, tomorrow, he is gonna come back, my Lou is coming back home.. 

I couldn't simply express as to how much my heart was happy.. Finally, I was going to let him know about my feelings.. 

I went up to the bedroom, called Lou up.. 

"Hey, how are you now?", I asked him.. 

"I am absolutely fine, rather so happy 'cause finally I am coming home tomorrow.. Can't wait to see you", Louis answered.. 

"Ya, me too.. Waiting eagerly.. Come soon.. See ya", and I bid him Good bye.. 

Talking to him always feels so good, my mind feels at peace, the very previous moment I was so nervous yet happy but now, after talking to him, I feel so calm.. 

I pulled up the blanket, turned off the lights and went to sleep, afterall it is going to be a big day tomorrow.. 'The Day"..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just leave some comments and lemme know if it was okay? :)


	9. The Day

Louis' POV 

Finally, the week's over now.. Finally I will get to be with him, My Harry.. 

Mum hugged me tight, actually tighter than she normally does, I was possibly out of breath, until she let me go.. But I don't blame her,neither do I call her much nor come down to meet her.. 

But this whole week of family time with Mum and the girls was special, altogether.. 

As my Mum always does, she instructed me on what to do and what not to.. And said that she would take the reports to the doctor and get them examined.. 

I hugged them back, and bid them adieu..

Leaving them back has always been so tough, I wish if I  could just let them stay with me but our contract policy restricts is from doing so.. 

After a tiring journey for a fair few hours, I was finally there, at the front of my, oh not exactly,but our flat.. 

"I am home, Harry.. Open the door", I called out to him, knocking on the door.. 

But to my surprise the door was already opened.. 

I pushed the door open, and was awestruck.. I freezed right there to what my eyes saw.. 

The house was beautifully lit with red night bulbs, the whole house smelled of beautiful roses.. 

And out there in the middle of nowhere, there stood Harry, wearing the Red shirt that I gifted him a few months back..

It all seemed and felt like a dream, a dream that could make me sleep my entire life, if I had to.. 

"What's going on, Harry? Did you have any date coming in? ", I asked him.. 

"I am extremely sorry, I  actually didn't know that, and don't worry I'll probably then get going, I'll go to the boys' house then..You have a great night", I spoke up even before he could say anything.. 

Just as I was about to turn back and leave, I felt a touch on my hands, Harry held my hands, stopped me, and stepped closer to me.. 

"It's You I have been waiting for the whole week, not any date.. Everything you see is just for you", He said whispering in my ears.. The warm breath of his rushed down my entire body giving me goosebumps.. 

"But I don't understand", I ask him perplexed.. 

Before I could continue or wait for a reply from him, he closed the front door, took my hand, took me to the other side of the room and made me sit down on the couch.. 

"I have a lot of things to tell and show you, Lou", he said.. 

I just smiled at him and glanced through the entire house while he went up to the projector and turned it on.. 

I saw pictures of us, together, right from where we started, till date.. He named each moment, he named them all.. 

Just after a five minute slide show of all our beautiful moments on the screen, when it was just about to end, I saw Harry, right in front of me, he knelt down on one knee, took my hand and said-

"I don't know Lou that what I am going to do today is right or not.. I don't care actually, 'cause for the very first time, I feel so carefree..   
The day when Jo came to take you home, I just didn't want to let you go.. I so love everything when you are around, but without you everything feels incomplete and empty.. I just want you to know that, right here this moment, I promise to spend each and every minute of my life with you.. YOU are my forever, Lou.. I Love You.. Will you be mine forever?".. 

I couldn't react to anything he said, I was shocked, in a good way though.. 

It almost took me a minute to regain my senses, Harry still looking me in the eye.. How I adored those green eyes, that stare.. 

I just nodded my head, and kissed him straight away... 

I stood up, wrapped my arms around his waist, pulled him closer, and placed my left hand on his face, gently rubbing my thumb on his cheek.. 

He brought his lips close to mine, placed a gentle kiss, and rested his face on my shoulder.. 

"I was so stressed the entire week, on how to tell you everything, I didn't know how you would react.. And what if I lost You forever? What if everything changed, just because my feelings changed? Afterall, your friendship means the world to me", he said almost tearing up.. 

I pulled him back, cupped his face with my hands and said, "You realised your feelings now, I have lived with them since so many months.. You mean the world to me Harry, a part of which I never want to lose".. 

He smiled flashing off those dimples, intertwined his fingers into mine and took me to the kitchen.. 

I looked up at him and asked,"Seems like you have many more surprises, love?"

And the word love made him blush, go red on his cheeks, and I too felt so good, I wouldn't have to hide my feelings anymore.. 

He made me sit on the chair and went up to the kitchen counter.. 

I slowly went up to him, held him from his back, put my arms around his waist, rested my face on his shoulder and kissed him softly on his neck.. 

He turned back towards me, smiling shyly, handing me a piece of toast covered with marmite and lit a candle on the table.. 

"When we grow old together, this is the exact same thing I want to do, I want you to cuddle me, while I prepare us some food.. I want you to stay by me whenever I'll be needing you.. I want to have a small, beautiful family with you, Lou..And I would fight away anything it would take", Harry said with such determination in his eyes, I felt myself lucky.. 

"Me too, Harry.. Me too", I said to him brushing my fingers through his hair.. 

After spending such a lovely time together, confessing each others feelings, it brought us closer.. Closer than we ever thought.. 

We went to sleep, Harry resting his head on my chest and i held him tighter than I normally do, as if I was trying to hold back the entire world, so that noone could take it away..


	10. Back To The Present Days

Harry's POV 

Rehearsals - Interviews - Concerts..  
That's all that life has to offer now.. A decorated plate with just nothing on it.. Complete yet incomplete.. 

I looked at Louis today, not something that's new, just that today I looked at him with the hope that he would look at me the same way, the same stare, just like he used to do an year ago.. 

But Louis has been acting quite different lately.. He comes to rehearsals late, looks a bit worn out with each passing day, and coughs all day and frequently rushes to the washroom.. Something that has got me stressed these few days.. Its not actually how he is.. 

Obviously I haven't seen that charming smile ever since we separated our paths but anyhow he had that sparkling blue eyes, that perfectly toned body, that fresh look that he used to flatter everyday.. But now, he seems tired, his eyes fading away that sheen.. 

I saw him standing in one corner of the rehearsal studio, I pulled myself together, and walked upto him.. 

"Ahem", I said clearing my throat.. 

"Hey, Harry", he said back.. 

I could see a sudden shimmer.. A sudden unsung freshness right across his face.. I knew he loved me, even though he refused to accept it.. I knew it to myself but somehow I could see it today, right there, right in front of me.. 

"Is there anything bothering you? Are you fine?", I asked him hesitantly.. 

"I am fine.. I always am.. I tr.. Anyways, you need not worry,Eleanor is there to take care of me..",he said taunting my emotions.. 

"That's it then.. I am glad She is there to help you out.. Anyways, Take Care", i replied back arrongtly.. 

"I will", he said back.. 

Is this some kind of a cold war going on, just because we are not even allowed to love each other doesn't mean we can't even express our concerns.. 

We are best friends before any other tagline comes across our relationship but seems like everything's falling out of hands, like sand through the fingers, even our friendship.. 

I miss those days, those days when nobody could take us apart, when we could understand each other just by looking in the eye, when we got to share the same piece of pancake, when I used to do the dishes so that Lou would take me on long romantic drives.. The times when kissing on the neck was possibly the best feeling ever.. I miss resting my head on Lou's chest, when he used to run his fingers through my curls, that simply took away all the stress that had caught me all day.. Those days, those moments, I miss them all..

I felt myself sitting, curled up, weeping like a baby boy, waiting for him to come around, wrap me around his arms like he used to do.. And gently place a kiss on my lips.. 

How I desperately wished for that day to never come, the day when my whole world got eroded.. When He went away saying he didn't love me enough.. That he didn't love me at all.. I still remember each and every word that came out of his mouth that day.. When he simply walked away, after he came back home.. 

27th june, 2013..

"Hey Lou, where have you been? I have been waiting so long for you?", I said hugging him from the back.. 

He roughly let go off my hand and replied back in a somewhat cranky tone,"Is it always so important to let you know about everywhere I go?"

"Why are you shouting and acting so rude? I simply asked, I do it everyday, so what's wrong today?", I asked him upset.. 

"I am tired, Harry.. Tired of everything, This house, this life, this secrecy, this bloody food, the furnitures, it's like every single thing around is driving me nuts, even You Harry, even You", he said out .. 

"Even Me?", and before I could finish.. 

"Mostly You, Harry.. God knows what has happened to You, You act like a wife all time, as if we are married, bossing around all day, asking me the same old questions every single day, even Eleanor doesn't interrogate me as much as You do.. Please I need my space..",he bursted out in anger.. 

"Whay happened all of a sudden? You were just alright yesterday, and a day changed your feelings of togetherness to something you call suffocation?", I said to him.. 

"It's not about a single day, but i have been suffocating since many days, I need a break Harry.. And I don't know about you but it seems like, I have had my share of fun.. My share of infatuation, which I thought or rather named Love, though", he said.. 

"You didn't just say that, Louis Tomlinson.. You dare not flip your back at me when You say such things..",I said pulling him back towards me.. 

"Yes, you heard me.. I am serious.. I don't love you, i never did.. And moreover, the management doesn't want us to stay together, sharing the same flat.. So eventually, I decided to move in to somewhere else, maybe closer to Eleanor's..",he said again. 

"So this is about the Management? You just say it Lou, I promise I'll fight for anything to keep us together.."I said pleading incessantly.. 

"It's about Me, Harry.. I don't want your presence to bother me anymore.. Please let me go and let me free.. Let me be with the one I love, with Eleanor", he said.. 

"Fine, just go.. But you know that you can do anything, except lying to me.. I know you don't mean any of the words you said, not a single one of it", I spoke out to him, managing to pull back all the pieces of my crushed self.. 

"Grow up, Harry", were his last words before he took all his belongings and went away, leaving me behind, totally devastated, unable to reconcile all that happened... 

I still remember that day, after Lou went away, I sat there right where he left me, the whole night.. My eyes didn't flicker, my hands didn't move.. Only my mind screamed and heart wept relentlessly on the loss of the person whose presence mattered the most.. 

I still hate him for what he did that day to me, what he made me go through, the pain.. But somewhere my heart still believes that there's something, an another side to the story Lou told me.. I didn't go back finding anything as to why he did that 'cause i know that someday, he would walk upto me, hold my hands, and tell me to take him back, for he didn't mean anything he said that night.. And I would be standing there, again holding him back, but this time with a promise, to not let him go, ever..


	11. The Secret. The truth.

Louis' POV 

Nothings changed, neither Harry nor his love and concern for me.. Everybody did see me cough relentlessly, rushing to the washroom, the boys asked about what was wrong, they thought I had eaten something bad thus these frequent rushes to the washroom but only Harry was the one, to come over to me, asking what was I going through.. 

My heart screamed for him to hold me tight and never let go, but my cold mind spoke arrogantly.. 

I have hurt him really bad, I know that, but I had to, and I'll have to till he reaches a point that his hatred for me would surpass all that love within him.. It is necessary.. 

I saw him sitting on the floor, curled up, weeping like a baby, and how much I longed to just take him in my arms, wipe off those pearls falling from his eyes, and lock them right there, so that he never cries again but I stood there watching him cry, a part of mine wanting to go to him while the other half knew it won't be right.. 

I came back home that night, I looked into Harry's pictures, admiring them for such a long time until Mum called.. 

"Hey, Honey! How are doing now? Onset of weakness or any sudden unconscious attacks, anymore?", she asked stressed. 

"I am fine, Mum.. For now atleast, I guess.. ", I said assuring her.. 

"I told you to come back home, for a while.. Your health has been deteriorating lately, and you don't seem to even listen", she bursted out on me.. 

"I am fine, Mum.. We have had this talk before.. You know, I just can't flip out on the band, not now atleast, and Harry too.. He's had a lot because of me.. And I just want to, you know, stay around him.. Atleast see him, once in a while", I said to her, weeping.. 

"Honey, I know.. I know how you feel hurting him, I know its you who is breaking down as same as Harry.. I told you to tell him",she said, upset. 

"Bye, Mum.. I gotta go", and I hung up on her. 

And every other conversation with her ends up like this, since quite a while.. I know she's worried and all but I can't just respond to any of her concerns now.. 

I still remember that night.. 

I returned from the doctor's clinic but told Harry that the management wanted to see me.. I had been unwell those days, I was coughing out blood, lots of it.. I felt myself weak and tired.. I was completely worn out.. Harry could sense something was wrong but every time I would cut him out saying something or the other, diverting the topic..  
But when things went out of my hands,when i saw myself bleeding profusely.. I rushed to the doctor then and there..  
The doctor prescribed some tests, and I got them done..  
Needless to say, what the doctor feared was a simple throat infection, turned out to be a nightmare.. 

"Congestive Heart Failure", the doctor said.. 

I was totally in distress thinking that I was going to die then and there but the doctor assured me that I have a couple of years, maybe five, and life after that would not be something that I would like to imagine.. 

I didn't know how to react, just five? I have imagined my whole life with Harry and now all that's left to do is Leave? 

I knew Harry won't be able to bear the pain, of me leaving him like this.. Now that I had to leave anyways, I decided to break up with him.. I didn't even know how to say anything to him, so I called up Paul (our tour manager) and I told him everything, 'cause I needed to have back up incase Harry called anyone in the management to check up with the story I was going to present to him.. 

And late that night when I returned home, I went out with the success of what I decided to do.. 

And what was I even supposed to do, just tell him? Never.. He had a life to live, then.. I couldn't just mess it up, just because I had a few more years of my existence.. 

I couldn't just see him breaking down while I say that the heart that loves him, isn't strong enough anymore to hold him back.. I couldn't let him die each day, thinking that the one he loves, is counting backwards like a ticking clock.. 

I have been having my meds since an year and a half, almost like other cases, it's supposed to cure the thing but seems like my body doesn't like the meds and has shown not much of an improvement since then.. 

I have tried to stay strong, to not let my feelings show, but I just can't help it when Harry is around.. It has been so many days, since I have not touched him, played with his curls, not slept with him, i so loved it when he put his head on my chest, curling up on my side grabbing me tight.. So many days since those moments..

I don't know why but my hand suddenly reached for my phone and I decided to call him up, maybe talk to him for a while.. 

"Hey, Hi Louis.. It's two in the morning, why are you calling now? Everything alright?", he asked in his sleepy tone.. 

He never called me Lou, ever since that day, not even a single time.. 

"Oh! I am really sorry.. I meant to call Eleanor but dialled your number.. My mistake..Wanted to thank her for such an awesome night together.. Oh, sorry, why am I telling you all this", I said, my head pulled down... 

"Listen, Louis.. I know you didn't mean to call Eleanor.. So stop giving me that shit of yours.. Stop trying to make me hate you, I didn't try on loving you, I just did.. Maybe this would also come along naturally.. Unlike you, I don't back out from any relationship just because I am afraid of my feelings and emotions.. You know what, if hating you would make you happy, Guess what?I'll do just what you dont want me to do.. I am going to love you even more..", he shouted out loud on the phone.. 

And then hung up.. I know, he must be crying again.. And I wasn't there to comfort him.. 

Maybe someday, when I won't be around here anymore, maybe then he would know, that what I did was right.. For him atleast.. 

Keeping the biggest truth of my life a secret.. Just to ensure that the person I was in love with, the one I wanted to grow old with, to have a family with, is safe in this world, that he doesn't die each day, seeing me die.. That he lives, just like I wanted him to be...


	12. Knocks on the door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so i am not a dictor and i have no in depth knowledge about the disease and stuff. So just go along with it.
> 
> Enjoy!

Louis' POV 

Chest pains - coughing out blood - rushing to the doctor.. That's all I do now a days except for rehearsals.. 

I haven't been quite well, I won't lie.. But I feel like I have nowhere to go, to run to when I am falling apart.. Noone to hold me when I trip over.. Not even Harry.. I am the reason we have grown apart.. 

He can't even see a small cut on my finger, so obviously I didn't have the courage to tell him about my condition, now.. 

I so wish to again be the same old non-famous guy, who could go out to the world and shout out loud, "Yes, I am a boy and I love my best friend who is a guy too.." without being judged.. 

These thoughts made my anxiety level rise, every single time.. But that night a sudden uneasiness had set in, something that made me cringe my shirt right about my chest, with my fist.. I constantly rubbed my chest, coughed severely.. Upon seeing myself deteriorating, I called up Liam.. 

"Liam, I a-am not fe-feeling w-well.. Come o-over fast, pl-please..",and I hung up saying this.  
I felt the vision before my eyes fading out, I somehow managed myself till the front door, and opened the door knob.. With no more energy left inside me, I could feel my legs fumble, and I fell down.. I rolled in pain, panting and breathing heavily..

Liam's POV 

I rushed down to Louis' apartment after getting his call.. Those climbing up the stairs in such a state of mind seemed like a million of them were there... 

Somehow managing myself I rushed in to Louis' apartment, and he was lying there, right by the door, unconscious.. I lifted his head, placed on my lap, sprinkled some water on his face and rubbed his hands and feet, simultaneously but all in vain.. 

I pulled him up, took him in my arms, and rushed to my car.. I made him lie on the seat, pulled on the seat belt and drove away to the nearest Hospital.. 

On reaching the Hospital, I pulled him out of the car, and ran inside with Louis in my arms.. 

"I need a doctor here, please it's an emergency..",I shouted out.. 

Wardboys and nurses rushed in with the stretchers and I laid down Louis on it.. 

"Ya, make some room, let me through, I am the doctor incharge today.. Here, let me see him..",the doctor said panting.. 

"Doctor, do something.. He isn't responding.. Please, do something", I begged to the doctor.. 

"Calm down.. I'll do the best I can..",the doctor said rubbing my shoulders.. 

I gathered myself together, rubbing my wet face with the sleeves.. 

"Louis in hospital.. Emergency.. Park Hill Hospital.. Bring Harry with you guys.. Come fast, I don't understand what to do", I texted Niall.. 

"We are coming right away", he replied instantly.. 

Harry's POV 

The day has been a total waste.. All I did was sleep, wake up and sleep again.. And now, thus, I am awake like an Owl.. I played on the music and tried to sleep.. 

"If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
Forget the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate"

Little time did it take me to realise that it is Louis' favourite song, 'Look after me'.. 

How he used to sing this song to me, every single night, "Be my baby, I'll look after you, and I'll look after you".. Rubbing his hands on my forehead.. 

I felt the same, hearing the song as if Louis was rubbing his hands on my forehead.. Just as I was falling asleep, I heard a sudden knock on the door, vigorous knocks.. 

Followed by voices.. 

"Open the door, Harry", I heard Zayn scream out.. 

I startled up, sat up on the bed, and ran to open the door.. 

Zayn and Niall, entered, Niall making me sit putting his hands on my shoulder, Harry just stay calm, there's something you need to know.. 

"Stop making it complicated and tell me straight away", I said to them.. 

"Louis is admitted to the hospital", Niall said upset.. 

I felt as if something heavy was put in my heart, it sank straightaway and I froze there completely.. 

"Harry, Harry", they called out shaking me.. 

"We need to get going, there's no time.. Hurry", Zayn said as he held my hand and we ran to the car.. 

It was in no time that we reached the Hospital.. I ran up to the enquiry and asked them where my Lou was.. ROOM NO. 241..

I rushed through the stairs, falling off quite a few times, tripping over, I reached room no. 241.. 

I saw Liam sitting there but I straightaway ran to the door.. I saw Louis there, laying motionless.. Doctors inserting needles, harsly, one after another.. 

I wasn't allowed to get in.. I stood there, still.. Looking through the glass, never did I feel so helpless, I couldn't do anything to comfort him.. I rubbed my hands on the glass window as if it was Louis.. 

Nothing can compare the pain I felt that moment, seeing him in so much pain.. I could give up anything to bring him back, to bring him out of this pain.. I just wanted to run to him, embrace him and never leave him.. Never.. But I stood there, still.. Not even when the boys told me to sit and calm down..  
I wasn't going to move my eyes from Louis, not even for a moment... Not now..


	13. Flashback and Reality

Harry's POV 

8 hours 45 minutes and 32 seconds.. Time has been cruel.. Doesn't seem to pass by.. 

"A minor cardiac arrest.. Nothing much to worry about, he'll be fine.. We need to keep him under observation till he regains his consciousness", were the doctors first verdict after examining Lou.. 

I have been standing here since the moment I came here, not moved an inch, not moved my eyes off Louis.. 

Doctor comes out once in a while and would say the same old thing every single time.. 

"He hasn't come back to his senses yet.. We'll have to wait",the doctor said.. 

Little did I know, that the boys had already informed Jay and Paul too and that they were here, sitting right behind, waiting eagerly for Louis to open his eyes, again.. 

I really didn't seem to care who came and went, until I saw a girl walk upto the door of Louis' room, staring right through the glass.. 

I moved my head left, to notice it was no one but Eleanor.. My eyes went red, my head started burning with anger.. 

I took her hand and dragged her to the corner.. 

"What are you doing Harry? Calm down.. It's a hospital", Liam whispered in a grudging tone..

I sort of pulled out my hands and told Liam to chill out.. 

I really didn't care about anybody saying me anything.. I just didn't want to see that girl anywhere near Louis.. 

"What do you think You are doing here?", I yelled out at her. 

"My boyfriend is admitted in the hospital, and you expect me to sit back at home and do nothing?", she replied back angrily.

"Boyfriend? Really?.. Please I really don't want to create a nuisance here.. So please go", I told her, calmed. 

"I love him, and I am not going to go anywhere", she said.. 

"Love? Others made you love him.. He made me love him.. You hold his hands when everybody sees, I hold him when we are alone.. You kiss him, 'cause that's scripted for You.. We kiss each other, 'cause we mean it.. So don't you dare say again, that you love him", I simply bursted out on her.. 

I got so carried away that I didn't even realize that Louis was lying there, motionless.. In pain.. 

I simply pushed her aside, and again went back to the same spot that I have been standing on since so many hours.. 

The boys went to Louis's apartment to get all the documents and medical history, the reports and stuff, 'cause the doctor asked for them.. 

"He is better now, has regained his consciousness.. Any one of you can go inside and meet him.. But try not to make him talk much.. He needs all the rest he can have", the doctor said smiling.. 

I just looked back at Jay, she nodded her head in agreement and asked me to go inside.. 

I opened the door slowly, and stepped inside.. The beeping sound of the machines were somewhat not soothing.. 

I walked up to the side of Louis's bed and sat beside him, holding his hands.. I felt him moving, his fingers curling.. He slowly opened his eyes, and stretched his lips to give me a smile, one that I haven't seen in a quite long time.. 

"How are you feeling, Lou? You could have called me when you were not feeling well..",I asked him.. 

"I didn't want to give you any stress and moreover you didn't know anything about my new apartment", he said in a soft tone.. 

"Ya, I know.. Anyways, you know Lou that you can tell me anything, anything that's bothering you", I said to him.. 

"As of now, I am thinking that what I thought, more precisely, what I pictured, I am experiencing it right now", he said winking at me.. 

I gave him a somewhat confused look.. 

"You don't remember? That night we were talking about how the other would react if one is admitted in the hospital or is about to die?", he said.. 

"Oh yes. I remember,you actually were drunk like hell that night.. I remember the date too.. ", I said laughing.. 

9th August, 2012

It was exactly a month now, thirty days since I told him that I loved him and He kissed me.. Yes, actually, he never said back those three words.. Ya, but I don't really care, 'cause I know he loves me and I don't need any three word sentence to prove that thing.. 

So, coming back, it was our one month anniversary, and Lou decided to take me out on a date, obviously he planned everything, to celebrate our togetherness.. 

He had planned everything way before, so he gave me a note in the morning, kissed me and went out. . 

'Happy one month, Hazza.. I have lived every single moment, in this one single month, in which my love and happiness has multiplied quite a lot of times..  
I have planned something, something you'd like.. Freshen up, put on some clothes.. I'll pick you up at 4..  
Till then, I miss you.. XOXO  
Yours, Lou'

I smiled, blushing my cheeks red.. I put the note aside, had a bath..I Put on a black shirt and a trouser, hung on a jacket, applied my favourite perfume.. And made my hair just the way Louis likes it.. 

There I was, all set and excited for the first ever date.. We have had many dates at our house but this was our first date, outside.. 

Louis came just at 4 and picked me up in his car.. Just like any other romantic flick, he closed my eyes with his hands, and guided me through.. I could smell the sea, somehow.. 

When my eyes opened, I saw something which was out of this world.. There was a small round table, with wine and champagne kept in the ice bucket.. Beautiful red lights, vining through the wooden poles that gave support to the shed.. 

And all of it, right there, in the middle of the beach.. The sea on one side, and beautiful soft tunes on the other and Louis stood right in front.. 

I ran up to him, jumping onto him, I put my arms around his waist and kissed him passionately.. 

We had a beautiful night, something that I won't forget, ever..

After we were all tired and Lou completely drunk, we sat down on the beach,Louis resting his head on my lap.. 

"What If something very serious happens to me someday, and I am admitted in the hospital.. Would you behave like all that we see in movies, standing right outside the door waiting for a news of my well being?", He suddenly asked me in his drunken tone.. 

"Shut up, Lou.. And stop talking about things I don't even want to think of", I said brushing my thumb on his cheek.. 

And I kissed him, and went to sleep, cuddling onto him.. 

That was a perfect night.. "

Remembering those days always brings tears to my eyes.. The moments I spent with him are the ones i won't forget, ever.. 

I moved away my face, rubbing my tears off, I said," You remember that part of the night only?"

"No, Harry.. I remember the whole of it.. Every single moment..",he said back. 

I just smiled.. 

"You get some rest, Lou.. I'll be right here, right outside the door, as you've seen in movies.. I am waiting, Lou.. I'll be waiting, forever.. 'Cause you know, you are my forever", I said smiling.. 

I could not help, but notice how after so many days, Louis was smiling just like before.. The smile that's his own, not the one everyone else sees, now.. 

I brushed his hair with my fingers and kissed on his forehead and left the room, giving him the best smile, I could put on, given the situation..


	14. He Called me "Lou"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one :) hope you like it x

Louis' POV 

'Lou'.. 

I know it's my name, I have heard it many times since we separated, from many people, even Eleanor.. But Harry calling me Lou is something totally different, it gives me a rush, a chill down my spine, a feeling indescribable..

I don't understand whether to actually thank God for this medical issue, 'cause finally after so many days, I was the same with him, the way we used to be, 'together' or curse him, for I don't have much time left.. 

I was lying there, completely motionless, when Harry came in and we had a little talk.. He said he would wait, wait forever for me, but little does he know that his forever was going to end soon, that I would be soon gone.. 

I could feel a teardrop trickle down the side of my eye, down my cheek... I crushed the bedsheet with my fist, I wanted to scream out loud, cry.. But of all, tell Harry everything, that's eating me up, my desires, my Wishes, the ones only he can fulfill.. 

Right from the moment when I regained my consciousness, till now, I have seen him stand right outside the door, watching me through the glass.. 

His dedication is something that makes me guilty, makes me sad, that I can't scream out my love to him.. 

How can I just pull him closer, just to let myself disappear? He would be devastated.. 

I saw Harry quarreling back out there, I couldn't actually make out the reason.. But I saw Eleanor there too, and I didn't have to think how furious Harry would be.. 

"How are you feeling now, Louis?", the doctor asked me while examining me. 

"I feel fine now.. When can I go home?", I asked the doctor.. 

"Before that, I need to talk to you, Louis.. I hope you know about your medical issues.. Your heart is becoming weak, Louis, day by day.. You need to stop this.. And get as much of rest as possible.. If you want, I can talk to your Mom, even the management", the doctor said rubbing my shoulder.. 

"Please, doctor.. Let me do this myself.. But as of now, I want to get out of this hospital as soon as possible", I pleaded to him. 

"Okay, I'll see what I can do.. Maybe discharge You tomorrow", he went outside saying this.. 

I could sense that the doctor had went outside to tell everyone about my discharge tomorrow, Harry's face told it all.. The smile, those sparkle in the green eyes.. I could feel them and then he slammed open the door and ran towards me.. 

"We are going home tomorrow, Lou.. I am so happy.. I'll go over to our house and clean everything up, afterall, you need a clean place.. ", Harry said hugging me. 

Just as he was about to leave the room, I held his hands, and he turned back.. 

"Do you need anything, Lou?", he asked me. 

"Sit down for a bit, will you? I need to talk to you", I told him.. 

I made him sit right beside, 'cause i knew he won't be strong enough to accept the thing I was just about to say to him.. 

"Things have not been the same, Harry"

"You are still confu--", I cut him out before he could complete.. 

"Let me speak, Hazza.. I know you have Loved me, all through this time, even when I went out giving you an excuse that was completely lame and stupid.. You loved me then, you love me still.. I know that, Hazzabear.. I wasn't strong enough to tell you something, make you go through something that would tear you up.. I am dying, Hazza.. I don't have much time left..   
The day I told you those things, was the day I came to know about my medical dysfunction.. Congestive Heart Disease is what the doctor says.. Although it is not a disease that takes away someone's life, but for some reasons, my condition has been deteriorating day after day.. The paramedics don't seem to have any effect on me.. I couldn't see you go through this, so I lied that night.. I have lied all this time, about everything.. I don't want to die, Hazza.. Please make me stay", I cried out to him, holding his hands as strongly as I could.. 

I could see him fumble, he was going pale.. I shook him vigorously and made him come back to his senses.. 

"Harry... HARRY.. ", i screamed out to him.. 

"This can't be true.. Stop lying, Lou.. I'll go away forever if you want to, but don't say something like that.. You know I can't bear a small scratch on you and you are talking about dying?", he said weeping, holding me even tighter.. 

"I am not lying, Hazza.. This is the truth I have been hiding from you.. You'll have to accept all of it.. I know you'll become strong, you have to.. For me.. I want to spend the rest of it, all that's left, with you by my side, Harry", I said wrapping him around my arms.. 

He just simply rested his head on my chest, curled up by my side, the way he always does.. His curls falling on my face,and cried relentlessly, just like he hasn't cried in so long.. He kept cursing every single thing around him, until he became tired, tired of everything that caught his eyes, and fell asleep on my arms.. 

I kissed him and tucked him right beside me..

"I Love You, Harry.. With all my life.. I Love You", I said only to find him asleep, on my chest..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your thoughts :)


	15. His wishes

Harry's POV 

"I want to spend the rest of it, all that's left, with you by my side, Harry".. 

Lou said these, finally.. Although I knew it way before.. I knew, someday he would come back to me, but never did I think of paying such a price, something, that would take away his presence forever.. 

The next morning, after a beautiful sleep in Louis' arms, my eyes opened to the screeching sunlight seeping through the window of the hospital room.. I rubbed my eyes, turned over and saw him already awake.. The stare that I was used to waking up every morning to, completed with that smile, was right there, after so many days, rather more than an year.. 

I rested on my chest, put up my face and placing my chin on his chest, whispering to him ,"I won't let you go, Lou".. And looked up at him, to see him smiling already yet on the verge of crying.. I didn't want to see him crying anymore, so I jumped off the bed, distracting him, i said that i would go back and bring back all his belongings.. 

I kissed him, and went out.. 

I walked over to Liam and asked him for Louis' address.. 

Taking it, I quickly drove over to his apartment and went inside his bedroom.. 

Opening the cupboard, and Louis being Louis, the messy one, all the clothes tumbled out.. 

But it was not only the clothes that caught my eye, I saw a black something peep out from within his clothes, pushing everything aside I found out it was a diary.. Louis' diary.. 

"When did he even start writing diaries?", astonished I thought to myself.. 

As it didn't have any sort of statutory warning of 'keeping out', I decided to sneek in for a bit.. And I thank myself to have done so, atleast now.. 

28th June, '13

"A beginning to my suffering.. Not only physical, 'cause that has already started way back, but my mental suffering.. 

I simply busted out on Hazza yesterday.. I didn't mean any of it, not a single one.. I just couldn't tell him the truth, the truth that would tear him apart, break him into pieces.. I just couldn't.. 

I just lied about me and Eleanor, I can never Love anyone but him, he is my one and only.. And he will be, forever.. 

I just hope, that he forgives me someday.. Or someday, when I won't be around, He'll know that all I ever cared for was him.."

5th November, '13

"Had our rehearsals today.. Went good.. 

Just an year ago, this was the day, the day when we came closer, when he picked the hints I had been giving him.. 

That night was something indescribably magnificent.. Not just because we came closer physically, but something that night happened, that made us even more stronger, brought us even more closer..

'Will you marry me, someday?', Harry asked kneeling on one knee,holding a ring.. 

That's when I ran upto him, pulled him closer and said, "You need an answer to this too?", kissing on his neck.. 

Kisses on Harry's neck is a sort of weakness of his.. 

But today, everything's changed, we aren't the same anymore, God knows we ever would be or not.. 

I looked up to him, he looked rather tired and upset.. Seemed like, a new version of Harry, the morbid one.. 

I miss his smile, the genuine one.. I miss his pranks.. I miss Harry, the old Harry.. The one I love.. 

Fast forwarding through the dates, moving forward to the last page,I looked up at the last entry he made.. 

3rd August, '14.

WISHES..

I went to the doctor today, he said the medicines don't seem to work good, that my heart is growing weaker.. That there's not much left.. 

How I wished to rush to Hazza, hold him in my arms and say that the ever growing weak heart of mine has never ever loved him less, rather loved him more with every single passing minute.. 

I know he loved me then, and he still does.. But my love wasn't enough to make me stay back.. 

The day he confessed his love for me was probably the best day of my life and I had so many plans since then, so many WISHES for US.. That i wished we could fulfill together.. 

Now that they are going to remain unfinished.. Let me just tell you about them, dairy.. 

Wish 1- Get married to Him.. And not just any simple marriage, I want us to get married on the beach, everything decorated just like our first date.. With my and Hazza's close ones, and obviously the boys.. 

Wish 2- Have a boy.. Adopt one actually.. And name him Lucas.. I know Harry wants three kids but I just want one.. Seeing him grow in our arms, playing with us.. Laughing and giggling all the way.. 

Wish 3- Go out on the stage, hold the microphone, hold out Harry's hand, walk upto the tip of the stage, and shout out to the world that I'm in love with Harry, and I forever will be.. 

Wishes of mine are just the simple ones, the ones any person in love would wish for, but it's my fortune that just flipped, leaving me out of the picturisation of my dreams, my wishes.. 

It's totally heartbreaking.. 

I sat down on the floor for a while, felt sad as to why I believed in everything He said.. My heart knew he didn't mean anything, but why didn't my mind react? 

I packed all clothes and other necessities.. 

I drove back to the hospital to find Louis all dressed up, ready to leave this cranky old place.. I slowly walked upto him, hugged him and said, "I'll fulfill them, Lou.. Each one of it, just the way you want", whispering into his ears.. 

I pulled myself back and there it was, that perfect smile that made me drool.. 

I was finally going to Fulfill my Loves' wishes.. Each one of them..


	16. Yes, I love you. Yes, I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Louis' POV 

"I'll fulfill them, Lou.. Each one of it, just the way you want".. What is Harry talking about? Fulfill them? What? Did he read my diary? 

Oh! Shit.. God, please make my imaginations wrong.. I don't want Harry trapped in any boundaries and bound in anything that he doesn't want.. But he said he'll fulfill them, my wishes.. Will he really? 

Fully packed up with all the thoughts in my mind, I returned back Home, yes, home.. Not the apartment i lived in quite for a while.. I was back home, back together with my Hazza.. 

Mum, the boys, even Paul came around to see me off.. They dropped me at the house.. And then Mum hugged me and reminded me to let her know of every single details I had from the doctor.. And went over to Harry to brief in the same thing she told me.. 

"Take good care of my boy, Harry.. ", she said before leaving.. 

I waved my hand to bid her goodbye, and I could feel that she was happy, and quite content and stress-free, now that i was going to stay here, with Harry.. 

The boys stayed for quite a while, helping Harry with all the chores while Harry was in the kitchen making me pancakes 'cause the doctor said I had to eat healthy and never stay empty stomach.. 

I was constantly looking at Harry's face when the doctor was instructing on what to do and what not to.. He cross questioned the doctor, put every single point to check and made sure that I was completely healthy before they discharged me from there.. 

He took take of all the medicines, made a short time table, put all necessary reminders in his cellphone, I was sort of content and happy seeing Harry do all of these, felt like my first wish was already granted..

After all things were put right, the boys went out, telling to call them immediately if we needed anything, anytime.. 

I smiled and nodded my head and bid them goodbye too.. 

Harry suddenly turned around at me, giving me a naughty smirk, he said, "Finally, we are alone Lou.. All alone in a big house".. 

I giggled, blushing at his words.. 

"I have already have a minor cardiac arrest, planning on giving me a even bigger one, eh?", I said, giving him a wink.. 

He suddenly grabbed me, putting one hand through my back, and the other down my legs and pulled me up in his arms.. Brought me closer to him, and kissed me.. 

"You could have just leaned forward and done that", I told him giving him a smirk.. 

"I missed picking you up..",he said smiling.. 

"You were telling about fulfilling something.. What was it about?", I asked him in a somewhat neutral tone not letting him know that I aready know what he is upto.. 

"You wishes.. The ones you wrote down", he said smiling.. 

"You don't have to, Hazza.. You know that.. I don't want to give any burden to you.. Please.. ", I said to him, lowering down my head. 

"I obviously know that I don't have to.. But I want to, Lou.. I want to make up for every single day we have been apart..", he said to me.. 

"But Harry, then things would become even more tougher for You to handle.. You won't be able to cope up.. And I know that you want to make up for all the distances, all the pain we have suffered but there will come a day, when I'll have to go away, far apart from you, forever.. I just don't want you to create any such memories that'll haunt you forever.. That'll make it worse for you", I said to him, trying to explain the bitter truth, the consequences.. 

"You are thinking it from your end, think it from mine.. The memories that we created in the one and a half years, back then lasted me these long time, the time we were away from each other.. Why don't you understand that the memories I make with you are the ones that never fade, I live them each day, and I'll forever live with them.. Please, Lou.. Although I don't even want to think of you leaving me, but still I want to have all the best we can create to paint them on my memory canvas for forever..",he said embracing me.. 

I teared up.. He came closer to me, put his hands on my face rubbing the tears off he said, "Come on, Commando.. Lets make the best memories we can.."

I know he was trying to cheer me up.. And I love this thing about Harry, how he can lift up my mood everytime I am upset.. 

"I never said it to you, Harry.. Yes, I LOVE YOU, Harry.. I do.. With all my heart, with all of my life,, I always Had, I always will", I said kissing him on his forehead.. 

"I know", He just simply said back giving the best smile of his..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! How are you guys liking it so far? Lemme know. :)


	17. His Happiness

Harry's POV 

Finally Louis was back in our home, the home we created, the one that has all our memories of being together.. And I want to create even more of our memories here.. 

The night yesterday was really special, we both slept the way we used to, i curled myself onto him and he let me sleep on his hand, just the way I liked it, resting my head just beside his.. 

He was being formal yesterday when I said about the wishes that I was going to fulfill, for Us.. How come did he change so much? Was it true, that distance took Us apart? 

For a moment these thoughts did come to my mind, but I could see it all in his eyes, the blue eyes screamed to me to deny everything he said.. To just understand that all I said to him was all he wanted.. 

The next morning, my eyes suddenly opened to some sounds.. 

I turned around to see Louis not there by my side.. Now-a-days, His presence around is the only thing that keeps me calm.. Not seeing him even for some time, makes me panic.. 

I quickly removed the blanket, literally jumped out of the bed and went towards where the sound was coming from.. I came down the stairs to notice Louis in the kitchen, searching for something.. 

I stealthily walked up to him, and hugged him from the back.. 

I could listen to him chuckle.. 

"What are you doing in the kitchen, at this time at night?", I asked him out of curiosity.. 

"I was hungry, Hazza.. So came out to see if I had something to wrap up within a short time.",He said giving me a grin. 

"Why didn't you wake me up? I could have done something", I said placing my head on his shoulder.. 

I took his hand and made him sit on the chair beside.. I acted like a chef, presenting him with all the possible menu, i could wrap up with the things I had and he laughed continuously at my behaviour.. 

But as like always, he craved for Toast and Marmite.. He is so freakishly addicted to this thing, God knows why.. 

I put the toast on a plate.. And brought it back to him.. I lit the candle and placed it on the table.. 

"Want to have it the old way?", I said winking at him.. 

And he knew what I was talking about.. 

We ate just the way we used to, he grabbed it on one end, and me the other.. And complete eating one, we had our beautiful moment.. 

I was really happy 'cause Louis was happy.. I could again see that sparkle in his eyes, and that genuine smile on his lips.. It just made Me so happy.. 

"I am done, you are such a saviour, my boy", he said giving me a smile.. 

"I am always there for You, love", I said back planting a kiss on his forehead.. 

"You need proper rest, Lou.. Lets go, sleep", I said again.. 

Giving me a smile, he took my hand and we went to our bedroom.. 

I tucked him under the blanket and as usual went by his side, and I brushed my fingers along his hair.. 

"I love you, Harry", he said.. 

"I know", I said.. 

Louis was fast asleep, and I just stared at him, helplessly wanting him to stay back, with me forever, but I knew that won't happen.. 

Just as I was looking down at him, something struck my mind, something that I promised my Love.. Something for his happiness.. 

"Jesus Christ! The wishes..",my mind screamed out.. 

Not that i forgot about them, just that the happiness within me has surpassed so many levels higher that it got depressed.. 

Just three little interrogatory words crossed my mind, 'How? How? How?'.. 

How will I do everything? When and How? 

I just calmed myself for a bit, only if I had time to plan it all, to arrange the way Lou would Love, to surprise him.. But Time is what i don't have.. Its the time that's slipping by.. 

I just Looked back at him, he looked really calm and happy in his sleep.. That was just enough to bring me back to my senses from the panic attacks that I was going through.. 

How could someone's presence change you so much, so much that you would cross any margins, any boundaries, any obstacle just to put a smile on their face, a smile that makes your world cheerful.. Maybe that's what Love is about.. 

That's the thing I want to do for Louis.. I want him to be happy, although just for the days he has but i just want the curve on his face to always be in somewhat a happy one, every single time.. 

And I least cared What It would take.. And How am I going to do it.. Afterall it's all for him.. All for his happiness..


	18. Our baby boy, Lucas

Harry's POV 

It has been almost a month, and I haven't quite thought on how to fulfill Lou's wishes, his last ones.. 

I decided to go over to the boys and sort something out.. 

"Lou, I have some errands to run.. I'll be back within an hour or two, three tops", I said while leaving the house.. 

I drove over to their apartment, slammed open their door, God knows why they always keep the front door open, anyways that's not the thing I came over to discuss, so focus! 

"Guys, I need help!", I bursted out.. 

"Help? Is Louis alright?", asked Niall.. 

"Yeah, He's fine.. It's about something else.. The day when Lou was discharged from the hospital, I went to his apartment to pick up his clothes, you guys remember?", I simply asked them.. 

"Yeah, So?", asked Liam confused.. 

"I saw, rather read Lou's diary.. And I read of three wishes he wants, before he leaves us.. And I want to fulfill them, each one of it.. But I have no idea how?", I asked them perplexed.. 

"It's yours and Louis' moments.. Its totally on you to decide what You want to do and how, just let us know, and we will do every single arrangement you need.. But the rest of it is how you plan everything ", said Zayn smiling to which the other two nodded in approval.. 

I simply nodded my head, my eyes suddenly stopping at the clock, It was almost two hours I had been here.. And I already miss Lou.. 

I got out from there, and drove off.

On returning home, I was surprised to see Jay there.. She just stopped by to see Louis and was going to stay just for a day or two.. 

Jay is a really amazing woman, a great mother, a wonderful friend and above all an inpiring mentor.. She has always guided me like a mentor, and loved me like a mom.. So having her around always felt good.. 

"How are you, Harry?", she asked while hugging me.. 

"I am fine, Jay.. It's really nice to see you", I said smiling at her.. 

We left her alone to rest for a while and went up.. I could sense something was eating Louis.. He looked a little upset.. 

"What happened Lou?", I asked him rubbing my hands round his cheek.. 

"Nothing, Hazza.. It's just that, for two long days, we won't get to be the same old cranky person in love cheezing around the house, now that Mum's here", he said sounding low.. 

"Oh Shut up, Lou.. Stop being a jerk.. She came along just to check up on you and you are acting like a brat.. And who told we won't get to be the same? Nothing is going to change, Love.. I promise.. ", I said to him.. 

He just gave me that assuring nod of his and I knew he was happy again.. 

The next morning, I woke up early, Louis was asleep then.. I just loved seeing him sleep, just like a baby, crunching onto the blanket,his mouth open just a bit.. 

I just smiled looking into his face and got out of the bed.. I freshened up, and left a note for him on the bedside table.. 

"Have some important works that I need to get done.. I am leaving another note for Jay about all the medicines and the time when she has to give you what.. 'Cause I know you will forget.. 

Anyways, I'll be back by the night.. Don't wait up for me.. I'll miss you, Take care, Love.. 

Yours, H.. "

Leaving the note, I went out of the house giving a kiss on Lou's forehead.. 

I drove for nearly three hours till I reached the place I came searching for.. 

"Children's Welfare Home" 

I parked the car on one side and went inside, my heart still giving out second thoughts if I was doing right or not.. But then all the way I knew it was all for him, my Lou.. 

I walked up inside.. Gathering up all the courage I had.. 

"Hi.. I had an appointment made With Mr. Springfield. When can I meet him?", I asked the receptionist.. 

"If you would just wait for sometime, I'll just check up and get back to you, Sir.. Please be seated there", the girl said back.. 

I nodded and walked away, sitting on the couch.. 

"You can go in now, Sir", she said back after a few minutes.. 

I walked up to the cabin of the owner of the welfare home, with so many questions amd speculations in my mind.. 

"Hello Sir.. It's a pleasure meeting you", I said to Mr. Springfield.. 

"Pleasures all mine, my boy.. So how can I help you? Came down to make another donation?", he asked.. 

Yes, Me and Louis did come down once, a fair few years back, and donated a part of our income.. That day was really wonderful, Louis was so happy playing with the little ones.. He became everybody's favourite that day, straightaway.. 

After going through all the flashbacks, I finally answered saying, "No sir, this time it's something totally different.. I have come down here to ask for something from you.. I, NOT i actually, WE WANT TO ADOPT A BABY, A BABY BOY", I said to him. 

He looked at me for quite a few minutes and then asked if I was sure.. 

I just nodded my head and pleaded him for accepting my wish, his wish.. 

"I am ready to pass through every legal checkings, every single thing you say but please I want it to be done fast.. It's one of Louis' wish, something he wants to see before he leaves us, forever", I said to him almost tearing up.. 

He walked up beside my chair, patted me on the back, and smiled back at me, asking, "When is the marriage? When do I get the legal papers done?"

I almost cried in happiness listening to him, and said, "Me and Louis are getting married very soon, very.. ".. 

He just gave me a smile and walked me up to where the babies laid in there small tiny cots.. 

I started looking over, from one end to the other till I stopped at one, it was the most beautiful creature I ever laid my eyes on.. The soft cackling and gasping sound that came while he cried, those scrunched cheeks like soft cotton balls.. Those small curled up fingers, those small eyes... 

I couldn't resist but just smile continously looking at his face, how innocent and serene.. 

I didn't even realise myself saying, "LUCAS".. 

I turned around to Mr. Springfield and told him that We wanted to adopt him.. 

He simply nodded his head in approval and guided me back to his room but before leaving I picked up OUR baby, and kissed him, saying," Daddys are waiting for you, Lucas..",while he tried grabbing my finger with his entire fist.. 

I filled in all the particulars, and Mr. Springfield assured that he would look into all the paperworks himself and get them done as fast as he could.. I took a photocopy of the adoption papers to show Lou.. And even I made Mr. Springfield sign a confidentiality agreement, to not say anything to anyone, not make anything public until we come up to say everything,in public.. 

I walked out of there with a sigh of relief, a sigh of happiness, happiness for taking a step forward towards Louis' wishes.. I was so happy on the feeling of being called Dad, just after a month or so.. 

I just couldn't wait to get to home, and tell him everything.. But I was still in the dilemma whether to tell him now, or surprise him later.. Meanwhile,... 

*Phone ringing*

"Hello", I spoke.. 

I realised it was Jo on the other side of the call, panting heavily before she just told, "Harry, come back fast.. I'm in the hospital.. LOUIS..." 

I didn't even let her complete and hung up and drove as fast As i could.. 

I haven't even fulfilled your wishes..You can't go now, Not now, please..


	19. Imaginations

Louis' POV 

I suddenly woke up finding myself in a whitewashed room, beeping sound all around, the room smelling like that of medicines, a canula inserted in my nostrils and little time did it take me to realise that I landed up in a cranky old hospital.. 

A sudden thought left me perplexed, I was totally confused and couldn't make out what to say.. 

I intentionally looked out at the door of the room.. Harry stood there, motionless, stiffly in a single place.. 

"Am I still in that hospital bed, that day when I got admitted just 'cause I fainted.. Did I not wake up since then? Have I been lying here just like this the whole time? Then what about all the time I spent with Hazza?", I thought to myself..

I startled up in confusion but the headache again pulled me back to the pillow.. 

Seeing me struggle, Harry rushed in to the room and held me.. 

"What happened, Lou? Is it anything that's giving you pain, or anything else.. Tell me if you need the doctor.. LOU.. lou.. ", He screamed out to me in concern.. 

"How long have I been here?", I asked him.. 

"Not long", he said somehow trying to suppress the talk.. 

"Hazza? How long?", I asked again.. 

"More than a month now, Boo.. But that doesn't matter anymore now that You are back.. I missed you so much..",he said wrapping his arms around me.. 

I was left in a total state of awe.. I couldn't believe what Harry said.. Over a month? Really? But how can it be possible, I was with Harry the whole time, after I got discharged.. We reconciled, our love was back.. We were back together.. Then, how come he is saying all this? 

"But, how can this be possible? You are joking, right? Please tell me you are?", I pleaded to him.. 

"But Boo, why would i joke on something so serious like this.. You know how happy I would have been if what I said was a lie but unfortunately it's not", Harry said back.. 

"What about all those beautiful moments, our moments? What about the time I went back to our house, like us being together again.. Those long passionate kisses, those pancakes.. The cuddles, the sleeps together.. The days i spent with you, Hazza? What about those? And my w-wi...!", I just said utterly distraught.. 

"What are talking about, Lou? None of these happened since You left me, since that night.. But yes Lou, we have been together since the night you were admitted here, for I haven't left you since then.. I only go back home once a day, just to shower up and put on fresh clothes, and the rest of my day has always been with you.. There has been several times throughout this time when I kissed you but you couldn't feel, when I cried upon your chest but your hands didn't run through my curls to comfort me.. I felt so lonely.. I felt so afraid.. I missed you so much, Lou.. ", he said crying relentlessly.. 

Meanwhile, the boys and Mum and Paul entered the room.. Mum gave me a smile, breathed a sigh of relief and sat beside me.. She didn't say a word, just stared at my face the whole time.. 

But at last she spoke.. 

"I love you, honey.. Don't leave us again.. ", were her words.. 

Leave? But I thought I was here the whole time.. Why is everyone saying like that? 

I gave the best possible nod I could, and turned back to look Harry still weeping.. I ran my hands down his cheek wiping off the tears and promising him to not leave him again ever.. 

"Please, go outside all of you, I need to examine him", the doctor said.. 

I knew that the doctor would be able to answer the delusions my mind was creating.. 

"Everyone's saying that I have been here over a month now?", I asked him

"Yes, you have been.. Due to your heart growing weaker, the percentage of oxygen reaching your brain declined abruptly, rupturing a part of your cortex.. You were thus unconscious the whole while.. Your mind was alert but your motor functions didn't work properly", the doctor said. 

"I'll have to get a CT-scan n MRI done to check how the medicines have worked.. ", he said again.. 

"Yeah, okay", I said while I was taken to the pathological unit of the hospital.. 

After all the tests were done and I was again shifted to the ward, I couldn't believe at what my ears listened and my eyes saw.. 

I couldn't believe that all this while it was all the imaginations of my subconscious mind, nothing of which was true.. Not even a single moment.. 

Harry was in so much pain this whole time, I could just see from how he has become, the freckles on his face, the worn out figure, unmanaged hair.. And all I did was just imagine things, that too unconsciously? 

But what about all the wishes I thought? Yes, they were true, i have written about them myself in the diary.. Harry hasn't seen them.. 

It was all you, Louis.. All this while.. All of your imaginations.. But it's one thing that my imagination saw true was that Harry loves me, be it in my imaginations, be it in front of the unconscious me.. 

And all of this meant, that Harry knowing about my wishes and fulfilling then isn't true, that Lucas, our baby boy, was my imagination..   
That my wishes, which I want aren't going to to fulfilled 'cause Harry doesn't even know about them, he is not even aware.. It was all my imaginations.. 

The things I wanted from the day i separated from Harry are the things my subconscious saw, unconsciously..


	20. You'll never miss me again

Harry's POV 

The glistening eyes, that longing stare was what I saw when Louis' eyes opened.. I could see it how perplexed he was, how many questions crossed his mind..   
I have been there, since that day, over a month now praying for him to just open his eyes, and call out my name.. 

It's really hard to see the person you love lie there, motionless, not even aware of what's going around..You can reach to him but his soul doesn't respond back to you.. You can touch them but cannot have that caress in return.. Nothing hurts more than the absence of the person, even though he is there, still there.. 

But he's back now, back to me, all hail and hearty.. He's talking, I can feel back his Love.. I can see and feel that smile he gives when I rub my hands on his forehead, but he seems to act differently.. 

All the things that I wished for, all of it didn't happen.. He asked me some questions that seems to direct something towards us being together the whole time, but literally that didn't happen, has he been hallucinating? 

I really didn't care about anything else now, now that he is back.. Back to his senses.. 

"He is calling you inside, Harry", Jay said patting my shoulder.. 

I entered the room with the biggest smile I had,hiding away all my tears.. 

"How are you, Harry?", he asked me.. 

"I am fine, Boo.. Especially now", I said to him..   
"Why were you saying those things? You are fine, right?", I asked him again.. 

"I am alright, Hazza.. I just want to go back home, stay with you", he said. 

"You will, very soon", I said to him smiling.. 

"You don't know about the wishes, do you? Did you go to my apartment?", he asked, somewhat craving for a positive reply from me.. 

But I had to disappoint his feelings, by saying No.. 

Right at that instant I could see sadness covering up his entire face, an expression of disappointment and loss.. 

But he never let me understand that, atleast he tried to.. 

Then and there I knew, keeping him here would make things worse.. I kissed him on his forehead rubbing my hands through his hair and went to see the doctor.. 

"He is fine now doctor, isn't he?", I asked the doctor.. 

"Harry, I won't be giving you any hopes that won't stay long.. He is growing weaker, we almost lost all our hopes of reviving him back from that state of unconsciousness but he's back.. But we can't really hope for any other miracle 'cause that's not going to happen.. We don't have much time.. ", the doctor exclaimed.   
"How much more?", I asked him back.. 

"Months, a year tops.. But it all depends on how he responds to the medicines and how he recovers.. It all depends on his willpower.. You just need to keep him happy, so that he wants to live, not leave us all.. By the way, you can take him back home, tomorrow.. I'll get all the paperworks done.. But you'll have to take proper care of him, see to it that the canula is feeding him oxygen all the time.. We can't take a single streak of risk.. ", the doctor said.. 

"I'll see to it, doctor.. Thank you", I said leaving his cabin.. 

Now that I can see him talk, feel his love, time seems to just fly by.. Rather like those days in the past one month when each second felt like so many years summed up.. 

He was going to just disapper, his presence is going to go into a thin stream of air, and I can't do anything.. Not a single thing to make him stay or switch places with him.. 

I just sat by his bedside the whole night, stared at him just like I used to.. 

My entire mind just questioned about why my boy was suffering so much, I just wanted him to come back to being himself, the boy he had always been.. 

If only I knew about all of this, I would have fought back my way and never let him go through all of this, alone.. 

My mind started putting interrogations on my Love, but I couldn't let it win.. For I too have suffered, fought through all the Struggles, staying away from him, and I knew nothing on this planet could separate us ever, but now Death will.. 

I didn't even realise that I had already slept by his bedside, until the screeching sunlight fell on my eyes, and I felt a hand brushing through my hair.. 

I lifted up my head and smiled at him.. His stare is something that's always made my heart skip a beat.. 

"Just like the old days, isn't it?", he asked winking at me.. 

I nodded my head, blushing away.. 

"I'll go and see when the doctor's going to discharge you.. We are going back home, Lou", I said excited.. 

I stepped out of the room to see noone there.. 

"Strange", I thought to myself.. 

I went straight to the doctor, finished all the paperwork and hurried back to the room.. 

"Louis, everything's done, we are going home", I screamed out in excitement.. 

Just as he was about to get off the bed, I ran to him, picked him up in my arms and went over to the car.. 

"I want to make up for every time we have been separated, make up for all the waits, all our struggles, all our pain.. Make up for all the wasted time, make up for our Love.. I'll give You all the happiness that you deserved and didn't get.. I'll never let you cry alone, 'cause I' ll be there for wiping all your tears.. But before that I'll be the one you wake up to, and sleep at night", I said to him.. 

He leaned forward and planted a kiss on my lips.. 

"I missed You so much, Hazza", he said.. 

"You'll never miss me again, 'cause I'll always be with you, even if you drive me away, I'll always find a way back to you, to hover over your head and irritate you my whole life", I said.. 

"I love you, Boo.. Even if you don't say it back to me, I know You do too.. ", I said kissing him back..


	21. Will You marry me?

Louis POV 

One month on the hospital bed and now one month beside Harry.. The First one I wasn't aware of and the second half, I am living every single moment I couldn't in the first half.. 

As He promised, my day starts with Him and ends with him.. 

I wake upto the best breakfast and coffee, the world's best smile and the most beautiful kiss..   
I always knew my world would be complete only with Harry being around, I might have refused to accept, I might have run away.. But destiny has always brought me back, back to where I left everything out.. 

Many interrogative clauses starting with "Do I?" has been the reason of my stress from quite a few days.. 

"Do I tell him about my wishes? Do I just get away from him, inorder to not hurt him anymore? Do I just stay shut and wait here to die? Do I just be the way I am and leave everything out?"

"Jesus Christ! An exclamatory "I Do" would have been much easier than these interrogative "Do I".. You just need to sit here, enjoy the moments left, with Harry and wait for your end to come, Louis Tomlinson" , my subconscious screamed to me.

Those moments that made me enlist my wishes.. Those moments when everything I could see and feel around was him, my Harry.. 

I still remember the pain I was going through.. When we were separated, that's when I wrote about my wishes, otherwise I would have just done the things I wished for and not write them down, hoping for them to be fulfilled.. 

The first one-

I had to go out with Eleanor, hold her hands when asked to, kiss her when cameras focused on us..   
An entire day of faking, a day of portrayal of something that my heart didn't want..   
Eleanor put her arms round me and kissed me on my neck, all I could do was just chuckle and tell, "Stop it, Hazza.. It tickles"   
Thank God, nobody heard me.. Obviously Eleanor did and I could make out pretty fast that she was furious but I least cared about it.. She was the one I call girlfriend, not the one I love.. Maybe i ever won't.. 'Cause I already loved my Curly..   
That was the night I came back home and inked down my first wish,  
"Wish 1- Get married to Him.. And not just any simple marriage, I want us to get married on the beach, everything decorated just like our first date.. With my and Hazza's close ones, and obviously the boys.."  
I obviously had to get it down, a day out with my girlfriend made me realize what he meant to me, what the moments with him meant to me.. If ever I think of getting to spend my life with someone , it has to be him and noone else.. 

The third wish I wrote about Us going public about our relationship was something I wanted to do right from the moment I realized my feelings for him, I just wanted to scream out my Love to him, tell everyone that's it just Love we share and not get labelled as a different group of people, just because we are guys.. 

But all in all, the past one month has been really like what I had always dreamt of.. 

Oxygen deprivation has led me to severe problems, I did have my anxiety attacks but Harry was always there to pick me up whenever I fell down.. 

Nights are really nice now, days are even better.. 

"Good morning, Lou.. Wake up", He said pushing aside the curtains.. 

But to my surprise He wasn't there by the Windows, like he always did every morning.. 

I saw him right there in front of me, on his knees.. 

"What's the matter, Hazza? Did you lose anything? And you didn't make me any breakfast, are we going out? ", I asked seeing him on the ground. 

"No, I didn't lose anything..",He said while reaching out to his pockets.. 

He pulled out something out of his pocket and gave me a smile.. 

"Do you still not understand?", he asked. 

I shook my head in complete unawareness.. 

He reached out his hand towards me and I could see a beautiful Love band in his hand.. 

"Oh my god, a love band? Am i dreaming? Is he really going to propose?", my mind started racing in no time.. 

"You are the one I've always loved , Boo. I have waited many days to tell this to you.. I wanted this moment to be special and the timing to be perfect.. I wanted to bend down on my knee each day, and tell you that I love you, so lets start today..   
So, I love you, Louis Tomlinson.. Will You Marry Me?", he said smiling so beautifully.. 

I just stood there for the while, my feets started trembling, my lips started to fumble.. I wept like a baby, but Gathering myself up, I just looked him in the eye, and said, "I really can't express how happy I am.. You mean the world to me, Hazza.. My heart has always been yours, and always will be.. If I could now, I would just jump out, and go to you", I said.. 

"Boo, will you please cut it short and say it already..You do realise that I am on my knee for quite a long time.. I ask you again, will You marry me..? ", he said.. 

I chuckled out.. And finally said.. 

"Yes, Harry Edward Styles, I will marry You..", I said while getting off the bed.. 

"Thank God, Finally..",he said gliding the ring through my finger and then kissing me.. 

"I Love you, Hazza", I said kissing him back..


	22. Do you? I do.

Harry's POV 

There, I said it.. I asked Louis to marry me.. God, finally.. My happiness knew no bounds when he said Yes. 

I was a bit stressed whether he would accept my proposal or not.. I know him and I did think once that maybe he would say that he didn't want to impose any sorts of restrictions on me and stuff like that.. But I am happy that he accepted.. 

Now all that's left is to plan a perfect marriage for the perfect fiance.. 

"Hello, guys", and before I could even finish.. 

"Did you say? What did he say? Did he say yes? Why the hell are you not saying anything? Speak.." and then again "You did pop the question, didn't you?", screamed out all the three boys from over the phone.. 

"Shuuuut up! And let me speak for a moment. Don't you think that I would be completely devastated if he said no and that I would not have called you? Stupids! Obviously he said yes.. And now, I need you guys to help me out with all the arrangements", I said to them all geared up and excited.. 

"I won't be able to come over, so i'll tell you guys everything that i'll need.. Okk bye, love ya", I said hanging up.. 

I danced around the entire kitchen like a fool, for I was going to marry the one I love, the one I always Yearned for.. And I would have danced the entire if Lou didn't ask me what was wrong.. 

I walked upto our bedroom and saw him by the window, smiling peacefully.. I haven't seen something so perfect, so simple yet so beautiful.. 

Those blue eyes that once dimmed out were happy again, and me being the reason behind, it gave me happiness.. 

I went upto him and stood by his side putting his gaze off the window towards me. 

"Harry, I love you so much.. I had always dreamt of this day, the day when you'd propose and I'll accept.. Only if everything would have been like something before, I wouldn't have cared for anything else but Harry, you know that my life is diminishing every single second.. I will not be able to stick onto you forever.. I don't want any restrictions imposed on you after I am gone.. I want you to be a free man, a happy and cheerful lad just the way you are..",he said to me.. 

"Are you happy?", I asked him

"Ofcourse I am.. I am the happiest now, Hazza", he said smiling. 

"That's more than enough for me, Boo.. I know you won't be here to stick around me, forever.. That's the reason i am creating the best possible memories, the best moments for us, for me.. They will pull me through the tough times, make me smile when everything would seem incomplete.. And make me happy, 'cause I would be the reason You would smile in those memories.. ", I said kissing him in his forehead.. 

And we just stood there, I rested my head on his shoulder and he brushed his fingers through my curls.. These are the moments we don't need to speak anything, silence does it for us, all of it.. 

I planned our marriage a week after the day I proposed.. 

I had already called my Mum and Louis' Mum, just after the day I proposed.. They did all the shopping and dropped it off at the boys' so Louis doesn't come to know about it all.. 

I am totally not sure what do to and what not to, utterly confused.. I am excited and tensed simultaneously.. Just a few more hours, yeah fine, a day almost and then our two souls would become one.. 

We'd be together forever, nobody would see us indifferently.. We'd be free to be like a normal couple, like the ones cuddling and holding each other.. 

Everything's set and done, Mum and Jay and our families are staying in Louis' apartment and our marriage location was fully done.. 

I always wanted a dusk wedding, beautiful light orangy sky, soothing breeze, beautifully set up lights, red ones 'cause they are Louis' favourite and beautiful soft background score..   
I'd standing right by the priest, waiting for him to walk down the aisle, with his best man.. 

I can just picturise the whole thing, right in my mind, and I love it already.. 

I decided to leave early that day on 'OUR DAY', so that I could surprise him..Okay fine, I knew I'd spit out everything to him, so it was best to just slip out.. 

I just left a note and slipped out early morning to the boys'.. 

"Liam, you are going to go to our house and tell Lou there was a surprise and get him dressed in the tux..",I said to Liam. 

"Yes, sir", Liam said mockingly.. 

"God, i am so tensed guys.. But i feel content and happy too.. So happy", I said to them.. 

"Chill mate.. Everything's gonna be alright.. ", Niall said patting my back.. 

It was almost 3.. I called up Mum to check up on them, told them to be there by 5.. While Liam had already gone to our house and he told me he'd be there by 5:15..

I freshened myself up.. Put on the tux Mum and Jay brought me and brushed my hair.. Put on the perfume.. Tucked the bow tie and there I was all ready and excited. 

I was pretty sure Louis would be blown away, completely not just for the marriage but I have something else too, a surprise that he'd not even think of in his dreams, that I'd be doing that for him. 

I called the authorities to check up on my surprise, the other one, and told them to positively be at the location by 5..

I drove to our marriage location with Zayn and Niall and checked out everything.. They loved it.. I loved it too, it looked perfect.. 

All that I waited for now, was him, my Boo.. 

"Where are You guys?", I asked calling Liam.. 

"On the way, work done.. Reaching soon", Liam muttered out unclear and i knew Louis was by his side and I said Okay and hung up.. 

I gathered everyone and told them that they were on the way.. 

"I am really proud of you, Harry.. I love you so much ", Mum came and said to me, kissing me on my forehead.. 

"I love you too, Mum", i replied back smiling.. 

I could see that happiness on Jay's face, I knew she was happy.. 

I could hear a car come in, It was 5,they arrived so fast?

But it wasn't them.. It was from Children's Welfare Home.. Yes, they are here with Our baby, our baby boy Lucas.. 

That's all Lou wanted.. That's what his wishes said, I read them when I went over to his apartment to get his clothes and other stuffs.. 

And how can I not fulfill something, my Boo wanted.. 

"Here's your boy and the adoption papers, Mr.Styles",they said handing me our little angel, Lucas.. 

I took him over, he was so tiny, a cute little ball of cotton, curled up with his beautiful blue eyes, peeping at the whole surrounding.. 

And that's when the sound of the tyres screeching, came to my ears, breaking me out of my state of trance.

"It's them", I shouted out to everyone.. 

I stood there, all still and tensed and excited.. 

I saw Liam guide Louis, 'cause his eyes were blindfolded.. Liam finally opened the blindfold and Louis rubbing his eyes off, looked straight, towards me.. And I could make it that moment itself that he was completely awestruck, completely speechless, his hands on his mouth while his mouth remained wide open.. 

He was so happy, I could see it..

"I planned it just the way You liked, beach, red lights, soft music, and our family, and Us", I said to him

His cheeks almost flushed red and he just smiled at all of it.. 

Jay and Liam got his hand and walked him down the aisle while Niall and Zayn stood right by me.. 

He was finally here, right by my side, my man, he looked so perfect.. So gorgeous.. I walked upto him, turning out my pocket, I picked out the tie, the red one that I got for him one day, saying it was the one he was going to wear on our wedding day and I tied it around his neck..   
It looked perfect, just like cherry on the top of the cake.. 

Everybody gathered around Us, the priest completing all the sayings, finally came down to the final part.. Do you? 

"Do you, Ha-", and before the priest could complete.. 

"Could I just you know do this part myself?", I asked the priest

He just nodded his head smiling.. 

"Do You Louis Tomlinson take Harry Freaking Styles, as your lawfully wedded husband and promise to throw popcorns, jump onto me, kiss me without any reason, and say I love You's anytime?", I said winking at Lou.. 

"I do", he said.. 

He said the same thing to me too, made me promise the same thing and finally.. 

"You are now pronounced as lawfully wedded husbands", the priest said out.. 

"You may now kiss Your husband", I shouted out,kissing Lou passionately.. 

"I love you, Hubby.. Finally we are together, tied the knot, inseparable..",he said kissing me back.. 

"Wait till You see the other surprise I got for You", I said. 

I ran back to Jay, who was holding Lucas now, took him from her along with the adoption papers.. 

"Here you go, Love", I said handing over Lucas and the adoption papers to him.. 

"What's this all about, Hazza?", he asked totally perplexed.. 

Jay came in, put her hand on his shoulder and said, "That's your boy, honey.. That's your and Harry's baby boy, LUCAS" 

He almost teared up, weeping already, he looked into that god sent tiny little boy in his arms.. His eyes said it how he admired him, how much he already loved him. It was his boy, our boy.. He put forward his lips and kissed him on the forehead to which Lucas giggled, his eyes almost closing.. 

I looked at them and I saw my entire world right there in front of me, right there..

I walked upto them, kissed Lucas and Lou and said, "Thank you for giving me my entire world, thank you for everything.. I love you.. I just love you so much"..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your thoughts? :)


	23. From We to Us

Louis' POV 

It has been the most beautiful two months of my life, with Harry and Lucas..

We've seen many ups and downs, severe turmoil but have fought through every single one of it, afterall we are now, two bodies and one soul.. 

I haven't been quite well these days though.. Blood loss and anxiety attacks is really finishing me up.. 

The day after our marriage, the boys came over handing us a pre planned honeymoon package.. 

"You guys are flying to Hawaii for your alone time", was what they said.. 

"Guys, we are planning a home honeymoon, afterall Lucas is really small to travel now.. And obviously you know about how much I am suffering.. But I, actually we really appreciate this gesture of yours", I said to them.. 

"Oh stop being so formal Louis", Niall said waving off his hand at me.. 

It's really good to have people who actually care about you, feel the same way as you do for them.. The lads are one of the best thing that ever happened to me, rather to Us.. 

Leaving behind all of this, all the happiness, all the satisfaction, is what I would ask for as the last resort..

"Harry has been out for quite a long time, I wonder where he might me", I thought to myself.. 

And I heard Lucas crying from the other room, "Must have woke up", I thought to myself.. 

I went to the room and picked him up.. Looking at his face, and the time slips by, so easily.. He takes away all my stress by just that smile of his.. 

I put my nose on his forehead and started lulling him, he loves that.. 

"He would grow up to be the perfect man, just like you.. A perfect man, a perfect son, a perfect brother, a perfect lover, and a perfect husband, one day", said Harry from behind me, putting his arms around my waist.. 

I turned around and leaned closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder.. He tucked me closer and we both lulled our baby boy to sleep.. 

I woke up, after quite a few hours not even realising that we fell asleep as well.. 

Harry went and warmed some milk, and brought back to feed Lucas.. 

"It took you so long, Hazza.. Where did you go?", I asked him.. 

"Had some errands to run, Boo.. Nothing much important.. Sorry it took longer than I expected", he said to me.. 

I could sense something was wrong, that he was hiding something.. But I walked it out.. 

"I am hungry, Hazza..",I said to him.. 

"Just hungry, for food?", he said giving me that naughty smirk of his.. 

"Shut up, Hazza.. Make me something to eat", I said blowing him off..

These two months have really changed us, for a better, mature and more responsible self.. Maybe Lucas is the reason.. 

Seeing Harry grow, changing for a more mature lad gives me happiness and satisfaction that he'd be able to take over himself while I am gone.. He'll be all alright, my baby will take care our ours.. 

"I loved everything you did, Hazza.. It was all over the top.. It is always someone wishes for, a perfect marriage and a perfect family.. You gave me all..",I said to him while we sat on our bed.. 

Harry held Lucas the whole time and I rested my head on his shoulder.. We just sat there, together acting like a loved up couple, just simply staring at the magical little creature in front of us.. Lucas kept open his mouth a little, while he slept.. 

"Can't you just stay back, here forever and not leave us? Please!", he said weeping, Lucas now almost asleep. 

"I would have, if I could, my baby boy.. Would I even want to leave such a beautiful family for anything? But that's what it is.. But I'll always be here, fooling around.. It's just that You won't be able to see me around, but you'll always be able to feel my presence, in the Marmite container, in the pillow, in those pancakes you make, In Lucas..",I said to him rubbing my hand on his thighs.. 

He just tried smiling and eventually he revived to his normal self and we just slept that night.. Just slept.. 

Probably the best marriage night anyone could ask for.. 

The night then was really special.. I am making memories to take back, to leave some behind.. 

Whenever we used to go out before, Harry would say, "We reserved a table" and now it is "I booked a table for Us".. 

Yes, it's now Us and nomore We.. Me, my husband and our baby boy..


	24. Two best friends in love

Harry's POV 

Life has never been better.. Being with your family has never felt this great, this wonderful.. Louis, Me and Lucas.. Our small yet perfect family.. 

Being the reason for your Love's smile is always a feeling indescribable, so beautiful.. I feel really good now, not that I haven't felt before but fulfilling Lou's wishes really feels good.. 

But there's one more left, the one that'll change everything, i guess.. I know our fans are generous enough to accept everything, but management? I don't think so.. 

I know it's Louis' wish, and I don't have any second thoughts about fulfilling them, but going out public about our relationship would affect the band, and risking the boys' career is what neither Lou nor I want.. 

So I decided to go talk to them, know about what they want.. 

"Hey, Hi Harry.. All of a sudden?", asked Liam opening the door. 

"Need to talk to you guys.. Everyone home?", I asked him.. 

"Yeah.. Come on in", replied back Liam, smiling.. 

"Guys, I told you about Lou's wishes, the ones I saw in his diary.. Just one more left. But this includes the life of each one of us.. So I need approval from each one of you, to proceed forward in this.. As you know, Lou's last wish was about our relationship going public, that everyone should know that we are together", I said pulling my head down.. 

"You don't need any of our approval, Harry.. We'd love you guys to go public, scream out to the world that you guys love each other.. And if you are worried about what the management's going to think and react, then don't 'cause i am pretty sure that our fan's love will be enough to drive out the bitter rage of the management.. Don't worry about anything, Harry.. Just go ahead with it.. And we'll be right there, right behind you both supporting you", said an excited Niall.. 

I just smiled and thought how lucky I was to have such wonderful boys in my life, out of which one was my husband, now.. And I chuckled to myself.. 

"I love you guys.. Thank you, really, for being there all the time with us", I said hugging them all.. 

Finally the boys will be there supporting us, all now I had to do was go down to the management's office and arrange for a concert, probably the biggest of all time.. 

"Guys, sorry for coming down all of a sudden but I need you guys to arrange for a concert, as soon as you can.. And it's really important", I said to the ones sitting down at the office, mainly Paul, Will, Richard, and Harry.. 

They all turned back to me with a blank expression, utterly perplexed and confused to what I just said.. 

"Are you out of your mind? Do you even know how much time it takes to arrange for one single concert?", Will said back.. 

"Given the fact that I am the one who performs in them, I know how much time it takes.. But I don't really care and I want you guys to get it done by an utmost three days, if you have a heart, consider it to be Louis' last concert.. So i guess, I'll get everything done by Thursday then? Three days from now?", I said back in a tone I know they won't prefer but all I care about now is Lou and nothing else.. 

We didn't even let the management know about our wedding, we just couldn't let them know to get us separated, again.. No, never, atleast not this time.. 

So I was pretty sure, this concert was going to come as a shock for them.. 

After a lot of negativity and disapproval, finally they agreed onto it.. And told that they would put up everything within Thursday.. 

I even told them that this concert wouldn't be much long, that it would hardly be of an hour, tops.. 

Leaving the office, As I was driving back to our home, I decided to pick up some flowers for Lou.. 

On reaching the door of our apartment, I gently knocked on the door, to find the door already open.. 

I gradually stepped in and saw the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world.. 

Louis was laid out on the couch, Lucas on top of his chest, sleeping.. Both had there mouth opened and were there lying so peacefully, totally unaware of the entire world.. 

I sat down by there side and rubbed my hands through their forehead, unknowingly waking Lou up.. 

"I am really sorry, Boo.. I didn't mean to wake you up", I said kissing Lou on his forehead.. 

"It's alright, Hazza.. God knows from when I have been snoring on", he said silently getting up putting Lucas on his cot.. 

"Where have you been so long? Want anything to eat?", he asked rubbing his thumb on my cheek.. 

"Actually the management called, they told that they have arranged a concert on Thursday.. A small concert of maybe an hour or so.. Just on public demands . So we need to sort everything out and rehearse a bit.. Just four to five songs, that's it", I said to him, smiling.. 

"Oh, okay! That's great", he replied back.. 

I was so tired that day that I just slept on his lap, straightaway.. 

*Three days later*

Finally it was Thursday, it was going to be a day, marked in the history of our togetherness.. I was really happy, so was Louis, actually it was the new Louis and I really loved him even more, the always happy one.. 

All these days of rehearsals and hardwork finally came to an end.. 

I was literally awestruck when Paul called me up and said that they somehow managed to book "02 Arena, London".. 

I was like, 'Really? In just two days?' 

Anyways that doesn't matter, the most important thing was our confession.. 

Me and Louis drove along the boys' house, picking them up and reached our destination.. 

We just had an hour or so to get dressed, and be ready for our concert.. 

I quickly wore my apparels, had my hair Done by Lou Teasdale, our hairdresser and I was done.. 

I held Lucas in my lap and played with him in the meanwhile, and there had been over a billion questions on who that baby boy was.. But I cleverly distracted all the questions, neither did I want to lie and nor i can say the truth, not now atleast.. 

Before going on stage, I gave Lucas to Lou and all of us went on stage.. 

Massive crowd, beautiful people and screams from everywhere.. 

After a very tiring half and hour of singing and dancing through, The boys came over to me and told me to go ahead and do it.. 

I looked over at Louis and gave him a smile, totally confused, he just smiled back.. 

I signalled Liam to bring Lucas from the backstage.. 

I walked over to Louis and holding his hand, brought him over to the edge of the stage.. 

I turned around and took Lucas from Liam.. 

I could make out all the confused and interrogative face of the audience.. Finally I spoke.. 

"Hi guys, it has been an amazing night, really grateful to you all for being so supportive and such great fans.. Our lives are not just our own, it belongs to you people as well.. There's something, really important that I'd like to share, with all of you.. ", before I could finish I saw Paul walking up to stop me but the boys didn't let him come along.. 

"We, I mean Me and Louis are married, for life, for forever, together", I continued saying and then looked over at Louis.. He was completely surprised yet happy.. He grinned like a complete baby ,blushing occasionally.. 

We didn't even turned to look around to at the management.. I just looked at Lou and said him to get along with the rest of it.. 

"A wee bit of shock, probably but you guys already knew it, way before we realised it for each other.. We really can't thank you enough.. We are not only happily married, but have our total family, a complete one.. This little angel is our baby, our baby boy, Lucas..",Louis said out loud.

A total synchronized scream of 'Awww' covered the enitre arena.. 

I walked closer to Louis, and kissed him, yes, on stage..

He put his one hand round my waist and the other on Lucas and said "Yes, we Love each, more than anyone could ever love anyone.. I love my best friend, and we are two best friends in love, just two people in love, promising each other to be beside each other forever".. 

" I love you, Boo", I said to him.. 

"I love you too, Hazza", he said back and we all left the stage with all the positive approval from our fans, they supported us, our love..


	25. The last letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second last chapter :(

Louis' POV 

It's true if things are meant to be together, nothing can take them apart.. 

The harder I tried to push myself away from Harry, the stronger he pulled me back, it took us some time but when we are meant to be together, it's our love that made us realize it, that made us reach back to the other.. 

Going out public with our relationship yesterday night was something really unexpected for me.. Never did I even think Harry would do something like that.. 

I just came back home at night with the feeling of being complete, that nothing in life would be fake anymore, not a single thing.. We were now officially together, to the world, to the entire world.. 

I still remember every single moment last night.. 

"You knew it all, all my wishes, didn't you?", I said staring straight into those green eyes.. 

He just nodded his head, smiling with those dimples highlighted.. 

"You didn't tell me, why?", I asked again.. 

"You wrote them, why do you want to know them, then?", he said giggling.. 

"On a serious note, I just wanted to surprise you, that's it.",he said again.. 

I just felt myself lucky to have got someone who would break any boundaries to make me happy.. I just smiled.. 

"There's something I wanted to tell you, Boo, rather ask about", he said somewhat tensed.. 

"What's the matter, Hazza?", I asked rubbing my hands on his back.. 

"It's about Lucas, Boo.. How will I manage all of it, all alone? Without you?", he said weeping.. 

"I already told you Hazza that I'll always be here, right here. You just need not worry.. You'll always have every answer to your questions when they cross your mind, when you are stressed.. I know you'll be the best father a child can have.. You'll raise the most eligible man, and I am sure Lucas will make us proud..",I said to him.. 

But that was not exactly what I wanted to say to him, I just wished I could say he need not worry 'cause we'll have all the time together, to raise our child but that's what is never going to happen.. I wish I could tell him that we have all the time to plan all of it, but Time is the only thing my life lacks yet craves the most for.. I couldn't just fall weak now, to make Harry weaker.. So I had to put on the best of myself and make him happy, atleast the last days I have.. 

How I wished that these wishes could somehow be fulfilled, at any cost probable.. 

But there was nothing that I regretted, nothing now atleast..

Just like any other husband, or a father, sticking onto the family in time of crisis is what  
I won't be able to do. 

But I somehow wanted them to feel that I was right there, with them, even if i wasn't.. 

"Lighten up, my baby"  
"Look over, yeah right there, just below your chin, yeah a little left, there you go, you got me, I am right here, in your heart"  
"Go eat some marmite and toast, i'm always here"  
"Smile"  
"Does our baby boy still keeps his mouth open while sleeping? Look over at him at night, cuddle up next to him, You'll feel me beside you"

I wrote these notes and left them at every corner of the house, everywhere Hazza would find them..

I can feel it really well, I don't have much time left, not at all.. 

"Dear Love, 

I won't probably be anymore around you while you read this, Cheer up my boy.. I don't want to see a dimmed you, but a happy you.. Always.. 

I won't stretch it long, just let Lucas know that I love him.. 

Any yeah, I know you'll as always smile with that dimple highlighted through.. Stay strong, love.. Stay happy.. 

Find someone, who'll love you just the way I do.. But not more than me though.. 

Take care of my Mum, and the girls, Hazza.. They are Your responsibility now.. I know You'll be the best son-in-law ever.. 

Tell the boys to keep on rocking the entire world, tell them I really am lucky to have such great friends.. 

I LOVE YOU, Hazza.. I'll Miss you.. TAKE CARE.. "

The last letter I decided to write for him.. The last of everything, the last of me, but our love will never see a last to anything, never.. 

We have struggled without each other, craved for our togetherness, fought for our yearnings and there was nothing in this world, that could take us down, take our love down.. It somehow fought back to the top, every single time..


	26. Epilogue : He is not here anymore, but he still is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. I hope you liked it even though it was crap. :')
> 
> Enjoy the last chapter.

Harry's POV 

"Lucas, baby stop running over the entire house, come and drink your milk, baby", I shouted out while hopping over things that came in my way. 

He has grown up quite fast, I mean, like within a blink of an eye.. 

"Dadda will become very angry now, Come here right now or i'll go and tell Dadda that you're not listening to me", I said to him in a quite threatening tone.. Yeah, He calls Lou Dadda and me Dad. 

But who was he to listen, he kept on running around the entire place until he got tired.. 

"Why do you have to make to run like that, like, every single day?", I said to him.. 

To which he shamelessly kept on giggling, while his small eyes almost closed.. 

Lou used to laugh like that, his eyes used to close while he giggled.. 

Almost two years since he left Us, left me, all alone with Just Lucas and our memories.. Not a single day passes by when I don't miss him.. From the morning breakfast to the sleepless nights.. 

There's a haunting loneliness that hovers around me, but Lou like always left me reasons to smile too.. HIS NOTES.. HIS MESSAGES.. HIS LETTERS.. They are my only lifeline now, after Lucas and those beautiful memories I had with him.. 

It really kills me down when I don't see him around anymore, don't feel him physically, when those kisses are the only thing that I want but I don't get him around.. When those cuddles are the only thing that can make me happy but I don't get them.. 

I suddenly feel a soft hand on my cheeks.. I didn't even realise, rather feel, when Lucas walked upto me, sat on my lap and kept rubbing my cheeks with those small hands.. 

He knew, he understood when I was low, when I needed to be cuddled.. 

I held onto him even tighter, took him in my arms and wrapped my arms around, to feel as if Lou was there too, maybe holding onto the both of us.. 

That day when I could see my entire world slipping out of my hand while I tried to hold it back with my tightest grip, all that came out of Lou's mouth were, "I love you.. Smile" and he vanished like a thin streak of air.. While his body laid there, motionless and his face covered with a beautiful smile.. 

And now it has been so many days, without him, his presence.. 

All that I do now-a-days is visit the boys, work on our new album, rehearse, travel the entire world, and lastly go down to meet Jay and the girls 'Cause that's the place which has Lou' s presence the most.. Taking down Lucas over there makes Jay so happy, I have seen her cope up with the tragedy of losing her son, her Boo.. But she never complained on anything to God..   
While here I am, probably cursing God every other day and night for snatching away the most precious person of my life.. 

"Boo, I just hope you're fine, alright.. Life has been all the same over the week.. Nothing new, except for your son's new mischiefs", were the same weekly things that I said to Lou, while visiting the cemetery every Sunday, taking Lucas.. 

He is the reason I cry upon, but he's the only one that puts up the smile on my face, lights up my life.. Maybe he's not around anymore, not here to pull me up when I fall down but he's surely in here, inside of me, pushing me ahead, tickling me inside just to see me smiling, helping me raise Lucas, and making me responsible and mature.. 

He is not here anymore But he still is,just as he promised he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your comments, or kudos. Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really appreciate any sort of feedbacks :)
> 
> I am @EndearingFond on twitter. Hmu anytime :)


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